January 2004 – Page 2 – Home of the Autographed Cat

Never Seen The Tech Desk

On January 1, 2004

Never Seen The Tech Desk
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Never Been To Spain” by Three Dog Night
© 2004

Oh I’ve never seen the tech desk
Cause I’ve always been too lazy;
But I know a lot of folks there
They call me up and drive me crazy!
My spirit’s droopy
Cause they’re so loopy
They’re our support staff
Our tech support staff

There’s not a day goes by now
They don’t call me on the phone
And they start each conversation
With “Hey, now what’s going on?”
Is there an outage?
Or some strange problem?
We can’t define it!
No we can’t define it!”

I ask them if they’ve done their homework
And what they did to troubleshoot it
They say they’re not sure what to do next
And wonder if they should reboot it?
I say “Don’t know yet
Where you ought to go yet
What is the error?
You haven’t said the error!

I studied hard to be a SysOp
Because I thought that I would like it
I didn’t know back when I started
That you also must be psychic
I do my best, still
Hoping that the rest will
Learn from repeating
But memory is so fleeting

‘Cause the next time that my phone rings
Once the problem is resolved
and it’s the same technician calling
And a new customer’s involved.
Why can’t you see it?
I can guarantee it’s
The same thing as the last one
It’s the same damn problem!

Oh I’ve never seen the tech desk
Cause I’ve always been too lazy
But I know a lot of folks there
They call me up and drive me crazy
My spirit’s droopy
Cause they’re so loopy
They’re our support staff
Our tech support staff
I’d like to state, for the record, that I adore my support desk, and they really are good at what they do. Having said that, the sorts of things that this song details are inevitable in ANY organization where someone has to support the support folks, and that’s what I do for a living.

The song is also true in the regard that I’ve never actually set foot in our call centre, as it is located in another city and I haven’t made time to go down there. I really need to correct that some day soon.

Naismith (Not Vorkosigan)

By autographedcat

On January 1, 2004

In Songs

Naismith (Not Vorkosigan)
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Istanbul (Not Constantinople)” by Jimmy Kennedy and Nat Simon
© 2004

Miles Naismith was once Lord Vorkosigan
He’s Adm’ril Naismith, not Lord Vorkosigan
Pretending that he isn’t Vorkosi-
Make a fast retreat to the Dendarii fleet

Every gal on Dendarii missions
Loves Admiral Naismith not Lord Vorkosigan
They don’t know that he’s really Vorkosigan
They’re following the Admiral

Even young Lord Mark was once a clone of Miles
Which was which you couldn’t say
Sur Galen liked it better that way

So now Mark is Mark and not Miles Vorkosigan
He got real fat, unlike Lord Vorkosigan
So folks won’t think that he’s Miles Vorkosigan
When chaos and confusion start to mount
That’s nobody’s business but the Count’s.

Miles Naismith! (Miles Naismith!)
Miles Naismith! (Miles Naismith!)

Even young Lord Mark was once a clone of Miles
Which was which, you couldn’t say
Sur Galen liked it better that way

Miles Naismith was once Lord Vorkosigan
he’s Adm’ril Naismith, not Lord Vorkosigan
Pretending that he isn’t Vorkosigan
When chaos and confusion start to mount
That’s nobody’s business but the Count’s.

So now Mark is Mark and not Miles Vorkosigan
He got real fat, unlike Lord Vorkosigan
So folks won’t think that he’s Miles Vorkosigan
When chaos and confusion start to mount
That’s nobody’s business but the Count’s.

Miles Naismith!
Another song based on Lois McMaster Bujold’s brillient Miles Vorkosigan series. This is a difficult song to sing, in part because the original is tricky to begin with, and I had to play loose with the scansion in places. It *does* scan, once you find the pattern of the stresses required.

The Last March of Gondor

By autographedcat

On January 1, 2004

In Songs

The Last March of Gondor
by Robert Wynne and Larissa March
Music: “Least of My Kind” by Cat Faber
© 2004

Armored in in battle mail,
Swearing we shall not fail,
Cursing, we ride to Mordor’s Door.
Men, elves and dwarves unite
Facing the Shadow’s might
Here is a challenge he can’t ignore!

Well spent the battle cost
All hope is not yet lost
Frodo still carries the ring
You have not fought in vain
When you march forth again
You shall be led by your king.

We fought and did not yield
Pelennor’s battlefield
Now we approach the Dark Lord’s gate
Sauron we will defy
Hoping to draw his eye
Far from the one who’ll decide our fate

Well spent the battle cost
All hope is not yet lost
Frodo still carries the ring
You have not fought in vain
When you march forth again
You shall be led by your king.

One day may tell the tale
Courage of men shall fail
That will not be this day, I swear
Look on me now, Dark Lord
Reforged, the broken sword
Thought you that Isildur had no heir?

Well spent the battle cost
All hope is not yet lost
Frodo still carries the ring
You have not fought in vain
When you march forth again
You shall be led by your king.

Ultimately, this song was inspired by a typo. Gwen Knighton was discussing the second album release of her band, Three Weird Sisters and accidently typed the title of the Cat Faber song “Least of My Kind” as “Least of My King”. That sparked the idea of an LOTR themed parody of that tune.

One of the nifty additions to the movie versions of Lord of the Rings is Aragorn’s “St. Crispin’s Day” speech, as the assembled Army of the West stands before the Gates of Mordor. I imagined how bards might remember that in song, and this was the result.

This is the first song that my wife Larissa and I wrote together. It was an enjoyable experience, and hopefully one we’ll repeat.

This song was published in the Conterpoint 2004 songbook, and in “Under Filk Wood”, the songbook for Interaction, the 2005 Worldcon in Glasgow.

Just In New Zealand

By autographedcat

On January 1, 2004

In Songs

Just In New Zealand
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Only In Kenya”
© 2004

Where can you get temp jobs?
Just in New Zealand!
In New Zealand we got temp jobs!

Say you wanna make movies?
Just in New Zealand!
Got temp jobs and movies: Just in New Zealand!

(Forget Hollywood!)

New Zealand Oh, New Zealand!
Where the dwarves are and the Bree men!

New Zealand! Zealand Zealand Zealand!
New Zealand! Come to New Zealand
(Can you believe it?)

This was an instafilk inspired by a report that New Zealand’s economy had been bolstered by the huge number of temporary jobs the filming of Lord of the Rings had generated. It’s extremely silly, but so is the source tune.

Now, if only someone could animate it. *grin*

Ring out the Old, Ring in the New

By autographedcat

On January 1, 2004

In Blog

Had to work on New Years Eve, but we got let go about 3:30pm, which was nice. kitanzi wasn’t so lucky, and not only had to work her full shift (which lets out at 8pm), she got stuck on a call at the last minute and didn’t actually get away until a half hour after her shift ended. Such is the life of support folk, though. She came home in need some serious festivity, so we quickly ate the sloppy joes I had prepared for dinner and then set off for New Years Eve at Bedlam House.

New Years Resolution

By autographedcat

On January 1, 2004

In Blog

I hereby resolve in 2004 to kiss as many pretty girls as I can manage.

So there. 🙂

Journal stats

By autographedcat

On January 1, 2004

In Blog

So, I saw this meme in tnatj‘s journal, where the object is just to record, here on New Year’s Day, your journal stats to present, so that (presumably) you can compare back to them next year.

Account type: Paid Account
Date created: 2001-06-22 11:31:42
Date updated: 2004-01-01 08:54:14, 2 minutes ago
Journal entries: 307
Comments: Posted: 1,863 – Received: 1,337

Looking on this, I’d like to see the number of entries, if not double, at least increase substantially. I keep making resolutions to write more, and then going two weeks at a time without, but I will make an effort. 🙂