One of the amazing, mind-staggering things about the Internet is that you can buy just about anything on it, including a Las Vegas wedding, a Mexican divorce, a solid gold Kama Sutra coffee pot, or a baby’s arm holding an apple. [1]
Now, Amazon.com, that all-things-to-all-people web merchant, has started finding the last hidden niches of e-commerce, the things that it never actually occurred to you that you might want to shop online for.
That’s right, you can now order bologna from Amazon.
The customer reviews are utterly hysterical.
At last, my search for bologna, a search that had oft awoken me in the middle of the turgid night, condensed with perspiration and mind a-swim with luncheon shortage paranoia, is over. No more eating of 2 slices of Wonder bread with naught but mustard inbetwixt, no more frustration of desiring that hot-dogged flavor in a flatter and more throwing-disc like form, no more eating of lesser substances that come not in a gleeful molded plastic tray nor come unbecircled in red plastic, no, Dear Lord, I have seen the light, and it is bologna. O loving, nay, GODLY meat, thou fulfilleth me and giveth me purpose. Amen.
Our cups truly runneth over.
[1] Yes, kitanzi, that’s your fault.