Accept No Substitutes

Accept No Substitutes
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “Wonderwall” by Oasis

This toy is totally the toy
That is gonna fill your every need
Watch now, you know it somehow
May accelerate to dang’rous speeds
I don’t believe that anybody
Knows exactly what it really is

Don’t touch, or look at it much
or breathe the vapor from its liquid core
Young, old, and pregnant girls are told
Not to hang around it anymore
I don’t believe that anybody
Knows exactly what it really is

And all these warning messages are binding
Stop using it if its effects are blinding
It is made of glowing stuff that fell to earth from space
Don’t know what it is

Don’t taunt it
But you know you’re gonna really want it
‘Cause after all
Its your happy fun ball

If it smokes, or if you start to choke
Run away from it and hide your head
By now, you ought to somehow
Realize that you should’ve fled
I don’t believe that anybody
Knows exactly what it really is

Just $14.95 will cause elation
This toy sensation’s sweeping through the nation
Even though you know it only rarely sticks to skin
Buy it anyhow

Don’t taunt it
But you know you’re gonna really want it
‘Cause after all
It’s your happy fun ball

Don’t taunt it
But you know you’re gonna really want it
‘Cause after all
It’s your happy fun ball

Don’t taunt it
But you know you’re gonna really want it
But you know you’re gonna really want it
But you know you’re gonna really want it

A lot of times, I end up writing a filk for no other reason than a song getting stuck in my head and after a few repetitions starts to wander off in odd directions. Sometimes, I follow it down those odd directions and end up with something kinda cool.

I’d also like to, in advance, thank Oasis vocalist Liam Gallagher for his mutli-syllabic pronunciation of the word “wall”, which made this filk possible.