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Day: October 27, 2016

I Know It When I See It

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On October 27, 2016

In Songs

I Know It When I See It
By Rob Wynne
TTTO: “All About That Bass” by Meghan Trainor

Because I’m all about that text,
‘Bout that text, no subtext
I’m all about that text, ’bout that text, no subtext
I’m all about that text, ’bout that text, no subtext
I’m all about that text, ’bout that text…

You know it’s pretty clear, this film ain’t subtle
You know why you’re here, there can be no rebuttal
‘Cause we’ve got that boom boom that all the folks craved
All the right smut and it is quite depraved

I see the movie scenes working that misdirect
But I do not know why
They’re all so circumspect
If you like sexy sexy, get what you want
Cause every scene is about sex
And we are very nonchalant

Yeah, Aunt Hortence, she told me don’t worry about the plot
Because folks only watch this for one thing and you know what
You know it won’t be PG rated, family-friendly fare
But if you want the good stuff
Then go ahead and take the dare

Because I’m all about that text,
‘Bout that text, no subtext
I’m all about that text, ’bout that text, no subtext
I’m all about that text, ’bout that text, no subtext
I’m all about that text, ’bout that text…

It’s full of nudity
But only for the social comment’ry
No, I’m just playing, I know you think it’s smut
But I’m here to tell you
Every scene is full of sex and we are very nonchalant

Yes, Aunt Hortence, she told me don’t worry about the plot
Because folks only watch this for one thing and you know what
You know it won’t be PG rated, family-friendly fare
But if you want the good stuff
Then go ahead and take the dare

Because I’m all about that text,
‘Bout that text, no subtext
Because I’m all about that text, ’bout that text, no subtext
Because I’m all about that text, ’bout that text, no subtext
I’m all about that text, ’bout that text…

Inspired by a comment made by Aahz Caller, as we discussed whether “Lesbian Farm Invaders” was the sort of film one watched for the subtext, which was itself in a thread about a recent news report that Rush Limbaugh was warning that federally paid lesbian farmers might soon invade your town, becuase boy howdy this year’s news has been hella weird.

Meet The Hipsters

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On October 27, 2016

In Songs

Meet The Hipsters
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “Theme From The Flintstones” by Hoyt Curtin, Joseph Barbera and William Hanna

Hipsters, meet the Hipsters
They’re a modern vintage family
From the streets of Brooklyn
They go on a thrift store shopping spree

Hear their…records (vinyl is preferred)
Bands of whom you’ll never once have heard

When you’re with the Hipsters
You’ll have a before it was cool time
A real old school time
You’ll have a new old time!

For the record, I have nothing against hipsters. But someone posted this photo, and this just…came out.

Image result for sundress "we're the hipsters"

Rhymes of Fashion

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On October 27, 2016

In Songs

Rhymes of Fashion
by Rob Wynne and Jeff Williams
TTTO: “We Will Rock You” by Queen

Buddy you’re a hard shoe, cheap shoe,
Plastic on your feet so you stomp in the puddles, yeah
You got mud on your strap, you piece of crap
But you sell because you’re cheaper than an iPhone app

We will, we will CROC YOU!(Wear it, uh…)
We will, we will CROC YOU!

Buddy you’re an apron, draped on,
Hang down to your knees so you don’t get the stain on you
You got paint in your hair, but you don’t care
Cuz you know it won’t get on to your clothes under there

We will, we will SMOCK YOU
We will, we will SMOCK YOU

Buddy, you’re a cheap robe, wardrobe
Fitting for a priest or a monk from the Middle Age
You got rope for a belt
Never look svelte
Even when you’re made from furry animal pelts

We will, we will FROCK YOU
We will, we will FROCK YOU

This is the sort of thing that happens when Jeff Williams and I get bored in chat…

He’s Right Behind You

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On October 27, 2016

In Songs

He’s Right Behind You
by Rob Wynne
(TTTO: “Theme From Spider-Man (1967)“)

Slender man, Slender man
Faceless dude with a snow white tan
In the woods, late at night
Suddenly, you die of fright
Look out, here comes the slender man

Is he real? Listen guy
He’s a thing, but we don’t know why
Shadows lurk, noises sound
Once you’re lost, you can’t be found
Beware, here comes the slender man

When the moon is clear
And you’re losing your mind
Like a ghost of fear
He appears close behind

Slender man, slender man
Creepy neighbourhood slender man
All your locks he’s ignored
One thing’s sure, you won’t be bored

Look out! Life is a thing that’s ending
Your psyche won’t be mending
You met the slender maaaaaaaan

My brain. Sometimes I just don’t know.  This popped into my head nearly completely formed shortly after listening to the episode of Tom Merritt and Molly Wood’s excellent podcast ‘It’s A  Thing’ which featured the Slender Man phenomenon.  

Look Upon My Gear, Ye Mighty, And Repair

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On October 27, 2016

In Songs

Look Upon My Gear, Ye Mighty, And Repair
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “Dust In The Wind” by Kansas

My warlock casts
Conjure up a demon from the fiery depths
The spell falls flat
My spec is gone, and everything I learned is wrong
Bits in the code
All we are is bits in the code

Once we strode
Like giants through the endgame, doing mighty deeds
But glory fades
Your grand achievements now just curiosities
Bits in the code
All we are is bits in the code

Game moves on
Level cap increases, once again we grind
New quests call
And all your epics won’t another level buy
Bits in the code
All we are is bits in the code

This morning (28 December 2012) in the Tadpool, discussing the current WoW expansion and whether it was worth coming back to, Cory Latham made a comment about having too much time invested in his characters to roll new ones, and Christopher Dunn quipped that all that was meaningless, only the current expansion matters. And that got my filker brain working and this came out.

There have been two more World of Warcraft expansions that have come out since I wrote this, and it’s still true, which hasn’t always been true of my WoW filks 🙂

Undead Cat

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On October 27, 2016

In Songs

Undead Cat
Lyrics by Rob Wynne
(TTTO: “Uptown Girl” by Billy Joel)

Undead cat
It’s not living now, and that is that
But somehow it still can move around
No you’re never gonna keep it down

You’d better run from the undead cat
You won’t win if you get in a spat
And if the sight of it should give you pause
You’re gonna die by its undead claws
And drooling maw

And when you see where it is
It’s too lay-ay-ate
And when you wake up
You make up its play-ay-ate

You’ll see you now are dead
Your poor sod
You’ve been fed to the undead cat
And your flesh has made it sleek and fat
And when it’s tired of its catnip toys
It will go hunting for more girls and boys
Because they’re moist

Undead cat
In Spanish, viviendo muerto gat-
O, maybe someday when you’re on your own
Out in the woods, you hear a yowling moan
Won’t make it home

And where it’s stalking
You’ll find you’re its prey-ay-ay
There’s no use talking
Unless it’s to pray-ay-ay

You’ll see you now are dead
Your poor sod
You’d should’ve fled from the undead cat
You won’t win if you get in a spat
And if the sight of it should give you pause
You’re gonna die by its undead claws
And drooling maw

My brain and welcome to it.  (Sincere apologies to Billy Joel, and anyone with the slightest amount of taste)

On Her Majesty’s Sysop Service

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On October 27, 2016

In Songs

On Her Majesty’s SysOp Service
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “You Only Live Twice” by Leslie Bricusse & John Barry

You always save twice or so they say;
One set for your files on a well supplied RAID.
You always save twice, so we have avowed.
A backup is stored on disk, tape or cloud

And data will stack up, and platforms will fry
Don’t think of the backup, and the data will die

This NAS is for you, so pay the price
Keep your data true, and always save twice.

And data will stack up, and platforms will fry
Don’t think of the backup, and the data will die

This NAS is for you, so pay the price
Keep your data true, and always save twice.

Inspired by Bill Sutton’s unfortunate travails with his PC, and by his delightful “Goldfinger” parody detailing them.

Sour Grapes

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On October 27, 2016

In Songs

Sour Grapes
(or, Reflections on George Lucas’s comments about the new Star Wars film)
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “Send in the Clowns” by Stephen Sondheim

Doesn’t it suck?
Don’t you agree
This film that everyone’s praising
Wasn’t by me
Send in the clones.

Isn’t it sick?
Isn’t it sad?
Everyone loves this new Star Wars
It makes me mad.
Where are the clones?
Send in the clones

Just when I’d stopped
changing the score
Finally selling
the rights for billions more
Walking the carpet again
With my usual strut
Sure of my place
No one asks, but…

What have I wrought?
Jar Jar was panned
I thought that you’d want what I want
Sorry, my fans
But where are the clones?
Quick, send in the clones!
Don’t bother, new plans

Aren’t I rich?
Is that not enough?
Seeing that Abrams succeeded
where I failed is rough
And where are the clones?
There ought to be clones?
Well, maybe next film…

Cluttergathering

By

On October 27, 2016

In Blog

I’ve been meaning to start back up with some general blogging, but because I majored in Procrastination (with a doulbe minor in Blowing Things Off and Well Nevermind), I haven’t been.

Towards the notion of getting started again — along with making sure my website Songbook is up to date — I’m going to start posting things here that have previously been posted in other places (primarily Facebook) over the last little while.  So you may see things you saw earlier, or things you never saw but which are long divorced from their original context.  Just a heads up.  Hope it’s not annoying and stuff. 🙂

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