Hysterical LOTR rant

Vectored from dglenn:

The Rant of Sauron

Good evening, mortals, I’d like to introduce myself.
I’m Sauron,the Lord of the Rings.
Caught the title, did you? I should expect so. Most of
you idiots might remember the title to the movie with
Frodo, Legolas, and/or Aragorn in it. Which is why
we’re going to have a little conversation.
*I* am the Lord of the Rings. Not some midget with
hairy feet and blue eyes the size of saucer plates.
Not some pretty boy with pointy ears and a blond wig.
Not some loser king-turned-ranger-turned-king badly n
need of a haircut and a shave. Me. Sauron. The
Deceiver. The real honest-to-Tolkien Lord of the
Rings.

I don’t mean to complain. I’m glad you came to see my
movie. But you seem to have lost focus. The bloody
movie is named after ME!! It’s not “Midget Carrying A
Ring,” or “Cute Elf Boy,” or “Sexy Ranger.” It’s “Lord
of the Rings.” If it was about one of the above, I’m
sure they would have renamed it to “The Ringbearer,”
or some other flowery title.