The Ironforge Song
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “The Toronto Song” by Three Dead Trolls In A Baggie
I hate the Great Forge and the Mystic Ward too
The Hall of Explorers and the Tinker Town crew
The roof is too high, the air is too dark
Its covered with lava and there isn’t a park
The men are all drunk and the women won’t wench
and the children are loopy cause they fell in a trench
The water is frozen and the king has no friends
And they wear lift boots and they think they’re Stormwind
In Ironforge, Dun Morogh
(Spoken)
“You know, actually I pretty much hate all of Dun Morogh!”
“Oh ya, me too!”
I hate Brewnall Village and Anvilmar
Amberstill, Coldridge, and Gol’Bolar
Frostmane sucks and the North Gate sucks
and Kharanos sucks and Gnomeregan sucks
I took a trip to Ironforge to visit Mistina Steelshield
She beat me up and she stole my cloth and she left me in a field
I went to Alterac Valley and was hit in the head by an Orc
(spoken)
I don’t even know how they did it. I mean, I was playing Guitar Hero at the time….
Dun Morogh sucks!
(spoken)
“Yup. Yknow, actually you know now I really think about it, I think I pretty much hate every gosh darn province and territory in the Alliance!”
“Well, except for Westfall”
“Ya, ya I love Westfall”
“It’s very nice, lots of cows and trees and rocks and dirt”
But
I hate Darnassus cause they look so weird
And Azuremyst Island is too small
Dustwallow Marsh is dumb ’cause its the name of a swamp
Gadgetzan doesn’t have a good mall
Hillsbrad is a warzone and it makes me mad
Dun Morogh sucks! Dun Morogh Sucks!
(spoken)
“Stranglethorn Vale has a population density of 4.9 people per quest objective — isn’t that stupid??”
The Plaguelands are boring and the people are dead
And as for the Redridge Mountains — they’re too red!
(Spoken)
“And the only good thing about the area of Elwynn Forest is that it’s right next to us”
‘Cause Westfall…..doesn’t suck
But Moonbrook does.
Here’s another song that’s likely to make sense only to my friends who play World of Warcraft. It’s also useful to know the song “The Toronto Song” by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie. To ease confusion on either of these points, I’ve provided a link to the source tune (thanks, YouTube!) and links to all the things referenced from WoW, courtesy of WoWWiki.
liamstliam
That is absolutely fabulous!
Rob Wynne
Thanks!
selenite
Heh. I like Ironforge a lot better than Stormwind because I don’t get lost there. But good song. 🙂
Rob Wynne
To tell the truth, Ironforge is easily my favourite of the four Alliance capital cities. But you follow the muse where she leads. 🙂
selenite
Yep. I always follow mine.
celticdragonfly
And I led you to Azeroth, didn’t I, love?
poltr1
Who did “Ontario Sucks”? I assume it’s the same tune. It ends with “Alberta…doesn’t suck / But Calgary does.”
Rob Wynne
Same song. In fact, according to Wikipedia, we all have the title wrong, because it’s “The Toronto Song”. I have the band attribution correct though — the song is often mis-attributed to The Arrogant Worms, for reasons that are obvious on listening to it.
netpositive
Yay! I’ve loved Three Dead Trolls stuff ever since I saw the original video of Wes Borg doing “Welcome to the Internet Help Desk”…
Rob Wynne
Yknow, I’m pretty sure that that was the first 3Trolls song I heard too. At the time, I was *working* the Internet Help Desk, mp3.com was still a going concern, and i wasn’t sure how I felt about mp3s yet anyway.
happyfunpaul
so not the Worms
Same song. In fact, according to Wikipedia, we all have the title wrong, because it’s “The Toronto Song”. I have the band attribution correct though — the song is often mis-attributed to The Arrogant Worms, for reasons that are obvious on listening to it.
Not so obvious to me, beyond the obvious “it’s about Canada” + “it’s a funny song”. It makes much more sense for a band from Edmonton to (jokingly) hate Toronto and Ontario and to taunt Calgary, rather than a band from Hamilton. Why would a Hamiltonian taunt Calgary but love the rest of Alberta?
Granted, I have an irrational annoyance for misattribution (or nonattribution) in general. Maybe it’s left over from a decade in academia. But really, it’s not hard to get the attribution right… or at least to admit that you don’t know for sure. Getting the title wrong and assuming it’s by the Worms (who say explicitly on their web site “not ours!”) is almost as bad to me as when people assume any funny rock parody (e.g. by Bob Rivers) must be by Weird Al Yankovic.
(Edited to add: I love both the Trolls and the Worms, as well as many other “cool Canadian bands with weird names”.)
Rob Wynne
Re: so not the Worms
Not so obvious to me, beyond the obvious “it’s about Canada” + “it’s a funny song”. It makes much more sense for a band from Edmonton to (jokingly) hate Toronto and Ontario and to taunt Calgary, rather than a band from Hamilton. Why would a Hamiltonian taunt Calgary but love the rest of Alberta?
Ok, the obvious reason is that most people don’t pay that close attention. There are similar harmony structures and banter style, and a person who wasn’t *terribly* familiar with the Canadian musical landscape (or, let’s face it, the geographical one) might make that blind assumption.
Like you, I’m annoyed when people misattribute stuff. But I do see where the mistake sometimes gets made. (It gets even tricker when a band covers a song, and becomes more known for it than the original. I was at one time compiling a mix-cd of the originals of such songs, but I lost my notes and need to start over. *grump*)
elfen
Brilliant!
Rob Wynne
Thank you!
sweetmusic_27
*laughs* That’s beautiful, honey.
Are you entering the Penny Arcade “Ten Words” WoW contest?
Rob Wynne
I am now. I thought of a good plot while I was at the gym. 🙂
mrgoodwraith
Excellently done, sir!
Rob Wynne
Thank you!!
alymid
Awesome!!
well Ironforge would be one of my favorite cities, if I had more memory in my computer.
As it is -- I’ll sit out in elf and dranai lands.
I hope you don’t mind I sent a link off to my Bil who is a WoW devotee.
Rob Wynne
Re: Awesome!!
Oh, please, spread it around. I wrote it for people to enjoy. 🙂
catalana
*laughing out loud* Apparently I came back to LJ at just the right time…
Rob Wynne
Whee! Welcome back to LJ!
gnomedude
Bravo good sir. Good job!
A orc hit ya on the head??? Lets go git him!
Rob Wynne
I’m on a PVP server. If I went after every Orc that hit me in the head, I’d never get anything else done!