This morning, on my way to work, I stopped by Subway to pick up something to eat. Deciding that I was feeling more breakfasty than lunchy, I asked for a ham, egg, and cheese on flatbread.
The guy behind the counter looked perplexed. "We don’t serve that after 11am, sorry."
"Aww, that’s too bad," I said, genuinely disappointed but willing to go along with this news for the sake of getting food and leaving. Subway isn’t a deli, it’s a fast food joint, and I have no illusions about that.
"You could still get a bacon, egg and cheese," he added helpfully.
"So…..that’s still available after 11, but the ham isn’t?"
"Right. Would you like that instead?"
"Suuuuure." Clerk goes about assembling my sandwich, and asking what sort of cheese I want (pepperjack, of course). Then, as he carefully layers the small triangles of dairy spice on my sandwich, I added "…and I’d like you to, for an extra charge, add ham to that." and pointed at the ham.
"You want ham as well?" he confirmed, with a mixture of wariness and appreciation, as if I was enticing him to do something terribly naughty and he was realising that he was going to enjoy it.
I walked out with a nicely toasted bacon, egg, and cheese AND HAM sandwich on flatbread. More importantly, I have once again subverted the system and shaped reality to my will.
"We have done the impossible, and that has made us mighty."
–Captain Malcolm Reynolds
were_gopher
OK, that started Breakfast In America playing on my internal jukebox. I may be some time.
Rob Wynne
That’s fine. Take the long way home.
dan_ad_nauseam
Take a look at my white mice
They’re the only ones I’ve got
Not much of a white mouse
But they sure seem to know a lot
Steal a spaceship from the launchpad
Love to see Magrathea
I don’t want to have my brain fried
Cause there’s not a lot I can do
If you cut my cortex in two
duality
Reminds me of when I went to the local grocery chain over here, and at their morning hot bar near the deli I noticed that they had egg slices, cheese, and sausage patties. I told the guy behind the counter that he had the makings of a sausage, egg and cheese biscuit but where are the biscuits? He informed me that they don’t sell hot biscuits because of the trans fats. I then pointed to this other concoction and asked him what it contained. He relays to me that it has hash browns, cheese, eggs, sausage links and gravy and mashed up into what I’d term a Hash.
Once he told me the ingredients I arched an eyebrow and stared at him pointedly until he admitted that it made no sense to him either why they could sell that and not biscuits. Few months later, biscuits started showing up. I win.
Rob Wynne
So, sausage is fine, but they were worried about the health risks of bread?
I don’t understand the world anymore. I think I’m just going to ignore it and do my own thing.
demoneyes
For ironic perfection you could then have asked him to hold the bacon…
(Except of course then you ‘d have missed out on the bacon, so I entirely understand!)
Rob Wynne
He offered to take the bacon off, once it became clear I had successfully gamed the system. But I said “Nah, leave it on”, because, hey, bacon.
sdelmonte
Never understood why any restaurant has hard and fast rules about not serving breakfast after a certain hour. It’s not like making an egg is so difficult.
Rob Wynne
I agree. The oddest thing, of course, is that they had all the ingredients easily on hand. It was just the combining them into that particular sandiwch that was apparently verboten.
markiv1111
Wonderful post about a wonderful event. Please excuse me while I try to cheer and snicker at the same time.
N.
Rob Wynne
Be careful. A chicker is always appropriate, but you wouldn’t want to accidentally sneer.
lemmozine
You’ve seen the scene in 5 Easy Pieces, right?
You may be related to Jack Nicholson.
gridlore
My first thought as well.
grey_lady
Yep, that’s what popped into my mind as well.
Rob Wynne
It did not occur to me until later, but yeah. 🙂
poltr1
I read this and immediately thought of the scene in “Falling Down” with Michael Douglas.
joecoustic
Wonderful job of getting what you wanted! I wonder if you could have ordered the bacon, egg and cheese and then asked them to substitute ham for the bacon? Might be something to try next time, unless you do want the bacon too -- either way it’s all win :).
Rob Wynne
He offered to take the bacon off, but I decided to keep it. It tasted like victory, but with bacon added.
asg_qa_s7
Back on a college camping trip, in the Jurassic of fast-food breakfasts (when a biscuit was only a monoscuit, and bacon--only roast boar!), after a rain-soaked, chilly, and sleep-deprived night, it was only the thought of a hot breakfast that kept us shuddering our way back to the cars (and we were glad we could shudder!). You guessed it--10 minutes too late at the drive-in, and not a bit of guile, diplomacy, or related duplicity amongst us.
So we sure enjoyed those burgers!
Rob Wynne
Burgers for breakfast is totally a thing. Breakfast for dinner is also totally a thing. I reject your antique, clock-oriented notions of appropriate behaviour.
asg_qa_s7
As civilized bloggers, we can agree to disagree, while *I* reject your feline, can-opener-oriented notions of behavior. (“Appropriate” of inherent unconcern to a cat.)
magid
monoscuit
<3
asg_qa_s7
“Back when FORTRAN was not even ONETRAN
And the abacus--ONLY a TOY!!”
Originally by Dar Williams, parodied by Frank Hayes.
http://www.stevemacdonald.org/lyrics/wiwab.html
Acat, & One Whose Handle I am Unsure Of, did the Funniest. Rendition. Evar. Then retired it! Oh the humanity…. (sniffle)
Rob Wynne
Er, no, the Dar William song shares only a title, not a tune, with the Frank Hayes song, which is original to him.
You can tell the songs apart easily, as Dar Williams’s song is a touching and poignant tale about the rejection of social norms regarding gender, whereas Frank Hayes’s song……er….isn’t.
Terence Chua () did attempt to mash the two up, with hilarious results.
You likely heard me do the song with Bill Sutton (). That was a good night.
asg_qa_s7
…and that’s why *you* host “My Filk”, and I am a casual filker.
I did remember your partner in crime from that night, BTW, but decided to err on the side of privacy. The only other night that comes close for me was 3WS @ the Harpetrator’s house.
Terence’s “When I was >sob!< A Boy" was definitely a hoot.
foxipher
Pepperjack is DELICIOUS. 😀
Rob Wynne
Yes it is. It is my favourite sandwich cheese. You can also make awesome quesadillas with it.
asg_qa_s7
Ever tried it as a chupaquaeso?
http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2003-09-06
(Not that I have; my arteries dragged me away from the screen at that point.)
foxipher
True facts.