Nobody’s Ranger Now
by Bill Sutton and Robert Wynne
Music: “Nobody’s Moggie” by Eric Bogle
© 1999

Somebody’s ranger just inside of the door
Someone’s player character who won’t roll nice no more
Someon’s favourite fighter who ran clean out of luck
When he ran up, threw wide the door, and shouted out “Oh……BUGGER”

Yesterday, he roared and rolled his purple pair of dice
Decapitating nothing much, and fumbling badly twice
Now he’s just a page of useless stats and tasty food for mice
He’s nobody’s ranger, now.

So if you love your ranger, don’t let him run ahead
For if he opens doors alone, he’ll likely wind up dead
And everything he’s ever owned will go for monster’s pleasure
How else do you think those monsters get all of their treasure?

Always stick together when exploring caverns vast
That’s the way to guarantee your characters will last
But wandering alone you’ll die, and very very fast
He’s nobody’s ranger…
So ends his life of danger…
He’s nobody’s ranger….now.
Another song inspired by the Thursday Night Gaming Group. This one really did happen, and the song should serve as a cautionary tale against splitting up the party.

This song is for you, Joey. We miss you.

This song was published in the Gafilk 2004 songbook.