Category: Songs Page 6 of 12

Your Call Is Very Important To Us…
by Robert Wynne and Larissa March
Music: “Nessie Come Up” by Dr. J. Robinson
© 2006

The customer sits by his keyboard
He needs to reach tech support
His coffee goes cold
while he’s waiting on hold
Three hours at the last report
The muzak plays soft in the background
As a voice he no longer believes
Says “Each call will be
Answered momentarily
In the order that it was received”

Thank you for holding on still,
For waiting for us so long,
For being polite and holding all night,
Your hope and your faith are so strong!
We thought that you might, we bet we were right,
We see that we weren’t wrong!
Thank you for waiting so, waiting so, waiting so,
Thank you for waiting so long!

He daydreams of a working computer
As the music his thoughts intertwine
He starts to lose hope
He’ll be able to cope
When a cheerful voice comes on the line
He tells her his problem in detail
And all of his details and specs
“Oh, sorry, sir you
Got into the wrong queue
I’ll transfer you, hold just a sec…”

Thank you for holding on still,
For waiting for us so long,
For being polite and holding all night,
Your hope and your faith are so strong!
We thought that you might, we bet we were right,
We see that we weren’t wrong!
Thank you for waiting so, waiting so, waiting so,
Thank you for waiting so long!

The morning sun shines through the window
As he slumps in his chair, fast asleep
The phone in his lap
He succumbed to a nap
And slowly the hours have creeped
A puzzled technician asks three times
“Hello, is there anyone there?”
Then she shrugs and moves on
As he wakes with a yawn
To hear that same tape loop declare…

Thank you for holding on still,
For waiting for us so long,
For being polite and holding all night,
Your hope and your faith are so strong!
We thought that you might, we bet we were right,
We see that we weren’t wrong!
Thank you for waiting so, waiting so, waiting so,
Thank you for waiting so long!

Where’s The Filkcircle

In Songs

Where’s The Filkcircle
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Where’s the Orchestra” by Billy Joel
© 2006

Where’s the filkcircle?
Wasn’t this supposed to be an SF con?
Here I am, wandering the halls
How the hell could I have missed rousing guitars?

I liked the masquerade
Even though I had absolutely no idea at all
What was being said in all the panel talks
There’s the big name fan
The leading pro who never left the audience

Where’s the filkcircle?
After all, this is my big weekend from home
My trip to faerie, or the stars to roam
I assumed that a con would have a song
So I was wrong
So I’ll just sit right here
And play my guitar softly in the atrium
Then slowly one or two
Stop to hear a song
Then sit and sing along

And after the con is done
And after the last dog falls
The last note calls
From an open chord
At the filkcircle

Love May Yet Survive This Fall

In Songs

Love May Yet Survive This Fall
Lyrics by Robert Wynne
Music by Katy Dröge
© 2006

The breeze is blowing through the grass
The stars are shining bright
Your voice echoes inside my head
From when we talked last night

You told me that you missed me
I wished that you were here
And this moment all I want is
to hold you warm and near

Have you ever seen the rainbow arch
Above the waterfall?
Did you think that it meant something good –
or anything at all?
Have you ever wished upon a star
or called dreams from the sea?
If so, you’ll know why all I want
is to have you here with me.

I’ve camped on sandy beaches and I.ve
walked along the strand
I’ve climbed green mountain paths to find
The highest place to stand

But I never found a single place that
Ever felt so right
As when you took me in your arms
And held me in the night

Have you ever seen the rainbow arch
Above the waterfall?
Did you think that it meant something good –
or anything at all?
Have you ever wished upon a star
or called dreams from the sea?
If so, you’ll know why all I want
is to have you here with me.

(Bridge)
I’ve learned a lot to get this far
And I know this much is true
Whatever path I walk next
Will be one I walk with you
Cause time can bring surprises
No one ever could have seen
And love may yet survive this fall
As winter yields to spring

There’s still a thousand miles that cannot
simply be erased
But we have hope and love and truth
And dreams we haven’t chased

And so until this distance is
A memory of the past
I give to you my heart to hold
And trust that love will last

Have you ever seen the rainbow arch
Above the waterfall?
Did you think that it meant something good –
or anything at all?
Have you ever wished upon a star
or called dreams from the sea?
If so, you’ll know why all I want
is to have you here with me.

This is one of those songs that took a long time to be finished. I started writing it in 2001, and intended it to be a birthday present for kitanzi. But it wouldn’t quite come together, and so it got put aside. About a year later, I revisited the lyrics and finished them, but could never quite find a tune to fit them that made me happy. So I started looking around for someone to compose the music, and it finally ended up in the hands of katyhh, who did a wonderful job of it.

The song was debuted during katyhh and shannachie‘s concert at Gafilk — it was the first time I’d heard the tune, and the first that kitanzi was aware the song even existed. Definitely one of the highlights of the con for me. 🙂

Lawyers, Guns, and Honey

In Songs

Lawyers, Guns, and Honey
by Robert Wynne and Jeffrey Williams
Music: “Lawyers, Guns, and Money” by Warren Zevon
© 2006

Well, I went to talk to Piglet
Kanga, Owl, and Roo
I wish somebody’d told me
That Tigger’d be there, too

We went walkin’ to the mill pond
Saw Eeyore’d fallen in
Send lawyers, guns, and honey
Yeah, Tigger’s bounced again

Oh, I’m a bear of little brain
I’m full of cheer and pluck
Just halfway into Rabbit’s hole
And I found I was stuck
Yes, I found I was stuck
Well, I found I was stuck

Now I’m hanging from balloon strings
I’m a desperate bear
Send lawyers, guns, and honey
The bees have seen me there

Send lawyers guns and honey
Send lawyers guns and honey
Send lawyers guns and honey
Send lawyers guns and honey

Second Chances

On January 1, 2005

In Songs

Second Chances
Lyrics by Robert Wynne
Music by Steve Macdonald
© 2005

Tell me you believe in second chances
Tell me we can make a brand new start
Tell me you believe in true romances
Tell me that I haven’t lost your heart

Tell me that the past can be forgiven
Tell me that the lost can be redeemed
Tell me there is hope where there is living
And all is not as broken as it seemed

Still don’t understand how we fell so far apart
I just couldn’t see what I should do
But now my eyes are clear and my heart is sure
And every road leads me back to you

Tell me that the future isn’t out of sight
Tell me there’s a light to end the dark
Tell me there’s a chance to set our wrongs to right
Tell me that your heart still holds a spark

(Instrumental break)

Still don’t understand how we fell so far apart
I just couldn’t see what I should do
But now my eyes are clear and my heart is sure
And every road leads me back to you

Tell me you believe in second chances
Tell me we can make a brand new start
Tell me you believe in true romances
Tell me that I haven’t lost your heart

Musing On Jane

On January 1, 2005

In Songs

Musing On Jane
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Jane” by Barenaked Ladies
© 2005

She lives inside my head, sweet Jane the muse
She lives on fiction, cigarettes and booze
She dictates plots to me and I just weep
I wish she would shut up and let me sleep
Jane, doesn’t seem to understand I have to work
Jane, doesn’t care that she is acting like a jerk
Jane
Jane

I wrote a story and thought it was grand
I didn’t know she had four sequels planned
I must look like a crazy foreigner
Arguing with myself on street corners
Jane, has more ideas than I’ve hours in the day
Jane, pesters me all night and will not go away
Jane
Jane

I wrote a novel
DAW should have got it yesterday
Why it would be best now to take a short rest now
is what I cannot explain to Jane

Still living in my head, sweet Jane the muse
Still sending more ideas than I can use
I’m not sure how she got inside my brain
I write her words out longhand on the train
Jane, has yet another trilogy for me to write
Jane, doesn’t see why I think I should sleep tonight
Jane
Jane

Thirteen Ways of Looking At A Cicada

In Songs

Thirteen Ways of Looking At A Cicada
by Robert Wynne
Music: Various tunes (see note below)
© 2004

I.
If you like squishing cicadas
getting caught in the rain

II.
Oh cicadas, you’re breaking my heart
You’re all on my lawn and I hate you
Oh cicadas, please please go away
For seventeen years i won’t miss you

III.
I’m gonna kill the bugs next door
Ain’t gonna chirp anymore
They’re underground for seventeen years
Then they come up and drink all my beer
Gonna squash em with my boots
How i wish i had a gun that shoots
Gonna kill kill kill kill kill kill kill those bugs

IV.
Cicada blues
You make me cry
I don’t wanna lose this feeling
And if i choose for you to die
You would be in your grave

V.
You walk across the lawn and they will crawl up on your pants
Shake them off your shoes and you do a little dance
Worst of all you find their shells are stuck to all your plants
Hey, they’re cicadas!

VI.
I squashed cicadas
But i did not squish the ladybugs

VII.
Wasting away again here in Cicadaville
Searching for a safe path I can walk

VIII.
I walked out on my lawn
To face my fears
The last time they were here
Seventeen years
It’s cicadas
They climb on everything
Nowhere to sit
I wish they’d go away
I must admit
Damn cicadas

IX.
One day, bugs will rain out
From beneath the rainspout
And then you will hear ci-
cadas come and chirp the night away

X.
Cold rain on the front lawn has softened the grounds
For seventeen years they have slept in their mounds
But now they have surfaced; the night rings with sound
Cicada’s will rise with the moon

XI.
They are very noisy bugs
Cicadas chirp outside your bedroom
They go away for seventeen years then they come back
And they get in everything

Those bugs are pretty nasty
(That bug’s a Cicada!)
The kind of bugs you read about
(In science magazines!)
They haven’t left my lawn yet
(The bugs are cicadas)
I think I’m gonna squish them
(Everywhere I step)
They’re not right! They’re not right!
These bugs are not for me!

They are cicadas! Cicadas!
I hate Cicadas!

XII.
Little cicadas
Crawling everywhere
You’re pretty sure they’re even crawling in your hair
Where did they come from
Underneath the ground
Seventeen years past and not one could be found

XIII.
Guess who just got back today
Those little bugs that had been away
Everywhere, cicadas in your way
And if the bugs wanna chirp, you better let ’em

Cicadas were much in the news in 2004, because of the arrival of the once-every-seventeen-years emergence from hibernation cycle. The idea for this came from a conversation I was having in a chat room about the subject.

The thirteen tunes are, in order: (1) “Escape (The Pina Colada Song)” by Rupert Holmes, (2) “Cecilia” by Simon & Garfunkel, (3) “Gonna Kill The Dog Next Door” by The Arrogant Worms, (4) “Bell Bottom Blues” by Derek and the Dominos, (5) “Macarena” by Los del Rio, (6) “I Shot The Sherriff” by Bob Marley, (7) “Margaritaville” by Jimmy Buffett, (8) “And I Love Her” by the Beatles, (9) “Open Arms (Worlds Apart” by Journey, (10) “Giant” by Stan Rogers, (11) “Superfreak” by Rick James, (12) “Lady Madonna” by the Beatles, and (13) “The Boys are Back in Town” by Thin Lizzie.

The entire thing is a meta-parody of Wallace Stevens’s poem “Thirteen Ways of Looking At A Blackbird”

Somewhere On The Windows Server

In Songs

Somewhere On The Windows Server
by Robert Wynne and Jeffrey Williams
Music: “Somewhere Down The Crazy River” by Robbie Robertson
© 2004

Yeah, I can see it now
The flashing green link light shimmered in the dark
I was feeling like a user on a strange site
You know, where people play games on the net?
God, it was too slow to post
I followed the link to an mp3 site from somewhere out in Asia
All of a sudden, I could hear someone whispering from right behind me
I turned around and she said “Why do you always end up on the chat room page?
I said “I don’t know, the links just kind of led me this way.”
She said “Hang the proc”

Dump the blue screen
Errors never seen before
Look for me
Somewhere on the Windows server
(Somewhere on the Windows Server)
Dump the blue screen
All the way down to the core
You can find me
Somewhere on the Windows server
(Somewhere on the Windows server)

Grab a jpg of this
The machine room is empty, abandoned 486 server
Sitting at the console listening to Little Billy Gates
Yeah, that’s when your apps stood still
Y’know, I’m gonna go down to the CompuShak
And let ’em build my box
She said “That UNIX stuff don’t do nothing for me

I’m a man who needs virus protection
I’m a man with a broadband connection
You load the line
You slow the net
I can find my files yet

Dump the blue screen
Errors never seen before
Look for me
Somewhere on the Windows server
(Somewhere on the Windows Server)
Dump the blue screen
All the way down to the core
You can find me
Somewhere on the Windows server
(Somewhere on the Windows server)

Wait, did you see that?
Man, this is stirring up some errors for me
She said “There’s one thing you gotta learn
Is how to keep rebooting it.”
I said “No, I hate it. I hate it, it sucks.”
She said, “You hate it now, but you’ll learn to loathe it later.”

Dump the blue screen
Errors never seen before
Look for me
Somewhere on the Windows server
(Somewhere on the Windows Server)
Dump the blue screen
All the way down to the core
You can find me
Somewhere on the Windows server
(Somewhere on the Windows server)

I’ve been coredumped — failing the trace
I’ve been coredumped — failing the trace
Log on the system — disks and mem’ry
I’ve been coredumped — somewhere on the Windows server
This is another case of Jeff and me being silly in conversation and having it lead to a pretty nifty song. Both of us have been big fans of Robbie Robertson for years, and especially of the moody jazz noir of “Somewhere Down the Crazy River”. If I can figure out a way to recreate the accompaniment to this, I’d love to actualyl perform it someday, or see someone else do so. It’s such a cool tune, it’d have to be done “right” for it to work.

Never Seen The Tech Desk

In Songs

Oh I’ve never seen the tech desk
Cause I’ve always been too lazy;
But I know a lot of folks there
They call me up and drive me crazy!
My spirit’s droopy
Cause they’re so loopy
They’re our support staff
Our tech support staff

There’s not a day goes by now
They don’t call me on the phone
And they start each conversation
With “Hey, now what’s going on?”
Is there an outage?
Or some strange problem?
We can’t define it!
No we can’t define it!”

I ask them if they’ve done their homework
And what they did to troubleshoot it
They say they’re not sure what to do next
And wonder if they should reboot it?
I say “Don’t know yet
Where you ought to go yet
What is the error?
You haven’t said the error!

I studied hard to be a SysOp
Because I thought that I would like it
I didn’t know back when I started
That you also must be psychic
I do my best, still
Hoping that the rest will
Learn from repeating
But memory is so fleeting

‘Cause the next time that my phone rings
Once the problem is resolved
and it’s the same technician calling
And a new customer’s involved.
Why can’t you see it?
I can guarantee it’s
The same thing as the last one
It’s the same damn problem!

Oh I’ve never seen the tech desk
Cause I’ve always been too lazy
But I know a lot of folks there
They call me up and drive me crazy
My spirit’s droopy
Cause they’re so loopy
They’re our support staff
Our tech support staff
I’d like to state, for the record, that I adore my support desk, and they really are good at what they do. Having said that, the sorts of things that this song details are inevitable in ANY organization where someone has to support the support folks, and that’s what I do for a living.

The song is also true in the regard that I’ve never actually set foot in our call centre, as it is located in another city and I haven’t made time to go down there. I really need to correct that some day soon.

Naismith (Not Vorkosigan)