amusements – Home of the Autographed Cat

Mixed Messages

On November 20, 2013

Because we watch TV on the TiVo, we rarely actually see commercials, but a recent ad by cognac giant Hennessey caught my ear,¹ mostly due to their slogan juxtaposed with traditional disclaimers that accompany alcohol advertising on television in the US.

NEVER STOP.
NEVER SETTLE.
Please drink responsibly.

I’m not entirely certain those three directions are entirely compatible with one another. Just sayin’…

The text on the screen was just the first two lines. The voice-over contained all three. ↩

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu Nx’door wgah’nagl fhtagn

By autographedcat

On November 5, 2013

In Blog

This is not an untypical conversation between me and my friend Jeff.¹

Jeff: Oh, the dreams of longing stars.

Me: Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

Jeff: Uh…biddy bah bah. <blinks>

Me: You betcha!.

Jeff: I have to say that Cthulhu is getting a little overexposed. He may want to talk with his publicist about that.

Me: He got typecast. You always see him as the “wacky neighbour” on sitcoms, but that’s about all he does any more

Jeff: Well, I knew he played Wilson on Home Improvement

Me: Yeah. Beginning of the end, really

Jeff: Wasn’t he Carlton the Doorman too?

Me: And of course, who can forget “The Gooch” on Diff’rent Strokes?

Jeff: And Mr. Dalliard on “A Bit of Fry and Laurie’

Me: And Vera Peterson on Cheers

Jeff: I’d forgotten about that one. Good memory!²

There’s a reason we’ve been friends since we were 12.³

Yes, this is from the start of the conversation. That’s how we tend to start conversations. Roll with it. ↩
If any of my artist friends want to try and run with one of these, have at it! ↩
Aside form the fact that, even then, we were the only ones who would put up with us. ↩

Just a stranger on the bus trying to make his way home

By autographedcat

On October 20, 2013

In Blog

Conversation between me and kitanzi just now:

Me: Buffalo wings should have a crispy texture when you bite into them. Crispy skin, that is, no breading. Breaded wings are an abomination in the eyes of God.¹

Her: I wasn’t aware God had an firm opinion on wings.

Me: God has an firm opinion on almost everything.

Her: Well, all sorts of people have an opinion about what God’s opinion of things is. That’s not the same thing.

Me: Ok, let me clarify. God – as I understand Him – has a very firm opinion on wings. And, when I say “God as I understand him”, what I mean is…..me.

Her: (offers high-five) Well, at least you’re honest.

I love my wife. We’re perfect for each other.

Trying to find buffalo wings in Seattle as good as my favourite place back in Atlanta is an ongoing quest. ↩

Now Why Would I Ever Stop Doing This?

By autographedcat

On November 15, 2012

In Blog

Actual conversations at my house:

Me: “So, sure, lots of people know that’s called a ball-peen hammer, but they may not know that it’s called that because the peen of the hammer is shaped like a ball, rather than it just being a weird name for a hammer.
Her: “Right, it could have been invented by Joe Ballpeen.”
Me: “A claw hammer is technically a claw-peen hammer. All hammers have a peen”
Her: “True, true.”
Me: “All boy hammers do, at least.”
Her: “What would a girl hammer look like?”

blinks innocently

By autographedcat

On May 11, 2011

In Blog

Amusing Out of Context Note

By autographedcat

On March 14, 2011

In Blog

This morning at work, I was scanning through our tickets report to see if there were any open issues of interest to me, and the following notation on one of the workorders made me giggle uncontrollably for reasons that would probably not immediately make sense to anyone else in the office. A co-worker, indicating he was going to contact a customer to coordinate work on his cable modem plant, wrote:

“I am going to be getting with Charlie on MTA configs and upgrades later today.”

Will he ever return?