I don’t actually write fanfic very often. but I got the idea for this the other day, and decided to write it down.
Tag: creative Page 7 of 17
Conversation between myself and kitanzi this morning:
autographedcat: (lying across the bed, stretching my back): I want a medieval torture rack for my birthday.
kitanzi: Um….sure.
autographedcat: I want it to help stretch out my back.
kitanzi: But where would we put it?
autographedcat: Yeah, that’s always the problem with exercise equipment.
Today in Creative Loafing, there was a sidebar article about a new DVD series designed to help parents get their toddlers well indoctrinated to follow the right university sports:
“I’m pregnant.” “I’m getting a tattoo.” “His name is Snake, and we’re in love.”
Those are all words most parents dread. But if you went to the University of Georgia, there is one phrase above all others you don’don’t want to hear from your teenager: “I’m enrolling at Florida.”
Up until now, there was only so much parents could do to instill in their children a love of all things UGA. You could take them to games,make them listen to Larry Munson, teach them the Bulldog fight song.But in the end, you just had to trust that you had raised them right.
Now Bulldog parents have a secret weapon. A company called Team Baby Entertainment has released a DVD called Baby Bulldog, which “allows parents, grandparents, alumni and friends to share their love, loyalty and passion for their university with their children.”
The DVD is targeted toward babies and toddlers and uses Sesame Street tactics to “teach” kids just how great it is to be a Bulldog.The video features young children dressed up in UGA costumes, and footage of the university’s sports teams, mascot and marching band “to expose children to the university in an exciting and playful manner.”Translation: If you’re desperate for your kid to follow in your footsteps and you’re not above brainwashing, this DVD is for you.
Didn’t attend UGA? Don’t worry, Team Baby Entertainment makes DVDs for parents from a variety of large universities, including LSU,Auburn, Florida State and — sorry, UGA fans — Florida.
A product which nicely fills a much-needed gap.
Elsewhere on LJ today, cjdoyle shared some of his Viagra-themed spam in a friends-locked entry, prompting this insta-filk. I hope you enjoy it…i spent minutes writing it:
The Love Pill
TTTO: (Theme From) The Love Boat
Love, Exciting and new
Pop the pill. She’s waiting for you
Love, life’s sweetest reward
Get it up, it stays up for you
Viiiiiiiiiiiiiiiagra
Soon you’ll be ploughing another field
Viiiiiiiiiiiiiiiagra
Four hours of fun just one dose will yield
Set a course for erection
Your mind on a new romance
Love won’t hurt anyone
See her open legs on a friendly bed
Yes LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!
It’s LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!
…
I’ll get me coat…
Today is the day we do horrible things to cadhla‘s masterpiece. As if what braider did to it wasn’t enough, kitanzi got my head wrapped around this possibility, and I couldn’t resist:
Ordinary Tree
TTTO: “Ordinary Day” by Great Big Sea
Inspired by “Sycamore Tree” by Seanan McGuire
Saw your name on the tree, your initials surround mine
I wonder who carved them there for me to find, oh-oh.
It’s a lie, but it’s also a fact
I love you, but I can’t come back
‘Cause I must fly…
And I say….Way-hey-hey, I’ve just got to fly away
And you’re not going to call me home
And the end of the day, I know I must fly on my own
I did all that I could to keep you from dying
And you’ll never know why I can’t keep from crying
But you fit in this small town world
And I can’t be a small town girl
No, I must fly…
Way-hey-hey, I’ve just got to fly away
And you’re not going to call me home
And the end of the day, I know I must fly on my own
We each paid our dues and we each played our parts
But there’s no second chances, there’s no second starts, oh no
And you’re not coming back through my door
But I know now who this song is for
And I must fly…
Way-hey-hey, I’ve just got to fly away
And you’re not going to call me home
And the end of the day, I know I must fly on my own
Saw your name on the tree, your initials surround mine….
Inspired by a conversation on Filkhaven:
Uplift and Separate
(with most insincere apologies to Andy Eigel)
Cups – surround the breast – in their soft – cotton folds
Wire – underneath – provides support – perfect hold
Shoulder straps will adjust for comfort fit
clasp in back gives your boyfriend a fit
I should probably….stop right there.
I actually got the idea for this song some time ago, but couldn’t figure out where to go with it. Then one golden day, it came to me, and I wrote it down and set it aside to polish later, then lost it. Going through a box yesterday, cleaning out the storage closet, I found it again, and set about giving it the polish I thought it needed. Enjoy!
Where’s the Filkcircle
by Rob Wynne
Music: “Where’s the Orchestra” by Billy Joel
© 2006
Where’s the filkcircle?
Wasn’t this supposed to be an SF con?
Here I am, wandering the halls
How the hell could I have missed rousing guitars?
I liked the masquerade
Even though I had absolutely no idea at all
What was being said in all the panel talks
There’s the big name fan
The leading pro who never left the audience
Where’s the filkcircle?
After all, this is my big weekend from home
My trip to faerie, or the stars to roam
I assumed that a con would have a song
So I was wrong
So I’ll just sit right here
And play my guitar softly in the atrium
Then slowly one or two
Stop to hear a song
Then sit and sing along
And after the con is done
And after the last dog falls
The last note calls
From an open chord
At the filkcircle
This one came about in a fit of boredom one afternoon. kitanzi and I traded verses back and forth through e-mail until it came together. A bit of polish, and voila, a new song!
I think many people will be able to relate to this one….
Your Call Is Very Important To Us…
by Rob Wynne & Larissa March
TTTO: “Nessie, Come Up” by Dr. J. Robinson
© 2006
The customer sits by his keyboard
He needs to reach tech support
His coffee goes cold
while he’s waiting on hold
Three hours at the last report
The muzak plays soft in the background
As a voice he no longer believes
Says “Each call will be
Answered momentarily
In the order that it was received”
Thank you for holding on still,
For waiting for us so long,
For being polite and holding all night,
Your hope and your faith are so strong!
We thought that you might, we bet we were right,
We see that we weren’t wrong!
Thank you for waiting so, waiting so, waiting so,
Thank you for waiting so long!
He daydreams of a working computer
As the music his thoughts intertwine
He starts to lose hope
He’ll be able to cope
When a cheerful voice comes on the line
He tells her his problem in detail
And all of his details and specs
“Oh, sorry, sir you
Got into the wrong queue
I’ll transfer you, hold just a sec…”
Thank you for holding on still,
For waiting for us so long,
For being polite and holding all night,
Your hope and your faith are so strong!
We thought that you might, we bet we were right,
We see that we weren’t wrong!
Thank you for waiting so, waiting so, waiting so,
Thank you for waiting so long!
The morning sun shines through the window
As he slumps in his chair, fast asleep
The phone in his lap
He succumbed to a nap
And slowly the hours have creeped
A puzzled technician asks three times
“Hello, is there anyone there?”
Then she shrugs and moves on
As he wakes with a yawn
To hear that same tape loop declare…
Thank you for holding on still,
For waiting for us so long,
For being polite and holding all night,
Your hope and your faith are so strong!
We thought that you might, we bet we were right,
We see that we weren’t wrong!
Thank you for waiting so, waiting so, waiting so,
Thank you for waiting so long!
This isn’t actually a new song, but it’s one that took a long time to be finished. I started writing it in 2001, and intended it to be a birthday present for kitanzi. But it wouldn’t quite come together, and so it got put aside. About a year later, I revisited the lyrics and finished them, but could never quite find a tune to fit them that made me happy. So I started looking around for someone to compose the music, and it finally ended up in the hands of katyhh, who did a wonderful job of it.
The song was debuted during katyhh and shannachie‘s concert at Gafilk — it was the first time I’d heard the tune, and the first that kitanzi was aware the song even existed. Definately one of the highlights of the con for me. 🙂
It seems appropriate to post this today. Happy Valentines Day, my dearest kitanzi.
LOVE MAY YET SURVIVE THIS FALL
Lyrics: Rob Wynne / Music: Kerstin Dröge
© 2006
The breeze is blowing through the grass
The stars are shining bright
Your voice echoes inside my head
From when we talked last night
You told me that you missed me
I wished that you were here
And this moment all I want is
to hold you warm and near
Have you ever seen the rainbow arch
Above the waterfall?
Did you think that it meant something good –
or anything at all?
Have you ever wished upon a star
or called dreams from the sea?
If so, you’ll know why all I want
is to have you here with me.
I’ve camped on sandy beaches and I’ve
walked along the strand
I’ve climbed green mountain paths to find
The highest place to stand
But I never found a single place that
Ever felt so right
As when you took me in your arms
And held me in the night
Have you ever seen the rainbow arch
Above the waterfall?
Did you think that it meant something good –
or anything at all?
Have you ever wished upon a star
or called dreams from the sea?
If so, you’ll know why all I want
is to have you here with me.(Bridge)
I’ve learned a lot to get this far
And I know this much is true
Whatever path I walk next
Will be one I walk with you
Cause time can bring surprises
No one ever could have seen
And love may yet survive this fall
As winter yields to spring
There’s still a thousand miles that cannot
simply be erased
But we have hope and love and truth
And dreams we haven’t chased
And so until this distance is
A memory of the past
I give to you my heart to hold
And trust that love will last
Have you ever seen the rainbow arch
Above the waterfall?
Did you think that it meant something good –
or anything at all?
Have you ever wished upon a star
or called dreams from the sea?
If so, you’ll know why all I want
is to have you here with me.
Has to be free, no one’s gonna pay me for these ideas.
New, from the people who brought you The Muppet Show, the latest in a line of musical biography documentaries, featuring the Muppets as famous artists, authors, and world leaders. First up, in the series, Fozzie Bear is Roald Dahl in “Wonka! Wonka! Wonka!”
…
I’ll get me coat…
No better way to get back into regular musical activity than to write a new song, right? Right!
Lawyers, Guns, and Honey
TTTO: “Lawyers, Guns, and Money” by Warren Zevon
by Rob Wynne and Jeffrey Williams
© 2006
Well, I went to talk to Piglet
Kanga, Owl, and Roo
I wish somebody’d told me
That Tigger’d be there, too
We went walkin’ to the mill pond
Saw Eeyore’d fallen in
Send lawyers, guns, and honey
Yeah, Tigger’s bounced again
Oh, I’m a bear of little brain
I’m full of cheer and pluck
Just halfway into Rabbit’s hole
And I found I was stuck
Yes, I found I was stuck
Well, I found I was stuck
Now I’m hanging from balloon strings
I’m a desperate bear
Send lawyers, guns, and honey
The bees have seen me there
Send lawyers guns and honey
Send lawyers guns and honey
Send lawyers guns and honey
Send lawyers guns and honey
Aural Vixation
by Robert Wynne
Music: “The Girl Who’s Never Been” by Michelle Dockrey
© 2006
This last weekend I had gone to an SF music con
And I sat down at the concert Friday night
Songs of battle filled the room, torch songs followed none too soon
And the classic songs were all a big delight
Having heard all of the rest, the last set would decide the best —
On the stage there stepped a girl with hair of red.
And she sang to us this song; although it wasn’t very long
Since that moment it’s been trapped and it won’t get out of my head!
Save me! Save me!
It’s trapped in my head, you see!
Oh no, I think it’s starting up again!
Save me! Save me!
It won’t leave my memory!
I swear, this is the song that never ends!
Many other songs were played, I’m not quite sure why this one stayed;
Four days later and it’s still on endless play.
Other earworms can’t prevail, even “It’s A Small World” failed,
But it’s stuck in here and it won’t go away
So I went to see the girl who let it loose upon the world
She said “My lord, aren’t you guys sick of it by now?”
I suppose it could be worse, at least this is a pleasant curse
But I would send it out of my head if you’d only tell me how!
Save me! Save me!
It’s trapped in my head, you see
Oh no, I think it’s starting up again
Save me! Save me!
It won’t leave my memory
I swear, this is the song that never ends
Just another west coast filker singing her songs late at night
Sitting with her pers’nal guitarist and notebook held too tight
Just a singer in the circle with a smile bright as the sun
But I don’t know how she does the things she’s done
“Oh, take pity on me please! I’ll even get down on my knees!”
I begged her to relieve my aching brain
She said “Well, now since it’s you, I guess I’ll see what I can do”
And with a wink began to sing again
Well, I sat and listened well as she began to tell the tale
Of the man who makes a family of his crew
And it wasn’t very long until she finished up the song
And now where there’d been just one song, there suddenly were two!
Take love! Take land!
Take the place where I can stand!
But you can’t take the sky away from me!
Take out! To black!
Tell them that I won’t be back
I swear, you cannot take the sky from me!
And she faded, leaving just this parody