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Naked Ambition

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On January 1, 2006

In Songs

Naked Ambition
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Close to You” by Burth Bacharach and Hal David
© 2006

Why do I, every time I dream,
Picture you….and whipped cream?
It’s just like me to want to see
Clothes off you….

I forget what I meant to say
When you wear lingerie;
That is why I long to spy
Clothes off you…

On the day that you were born
You came out wearing nothing
That’s the reason that it’s called a birthday suit…
Please understand, from where I stand
That birthday suit you’re wearing is a beaut!

I admit…I’m not a subtle guy.
It’s not hard to see why
I approve each time you remove
Clothes from you

Small Town Dungeon

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On January 1, 2006

In Songs

Small Town Dungeon
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Dollar Fifty Movies” by Ookla the Mok
© 2006

What can you do when you’re all broke and you’re out of work
How can you score some easy gold
The stairs led down, I lit a torch and I went in
Into the darkness and the cold

I’m going to the dungeon
That little small-town dungeon
A small-town dungeon won’t hold a lot
I’m going to the dungeon
That little small-town dungeon
A +1 dagger’s all that I’ve got
But a +1 dagger, that ain’t a lot
To fight your prey

I can cast a single spell
Then my use is shot to hell
I searched my tomes and learned them well
I packed my candle, book and bell

I’m going to the dungeon
The little small-town dungeon
A small town dungeon won’t hold a lot
Finding lots of treasure is always such a pleasure
When a +1 dagger’s all that you’ve got
And you tried to sneak through but you got caught

You hope the guards are kobolds
‘Cause you aren’t feeling too bold
And a troll is more than you want to face
You wouldn’t mind a goblin if he’s hurt and kinda hobblin’
And the cleric knocks him out with a mace
Just bops him on the head with a mace

There’s power when you find a new wand that shoots fire
And the chest of gold that’ll bring you the comfot you desire
When the monsters are defeated and won’t give any grief
To a wizard, a cleric, two fighters and a thief

Home from the dungeon
The little small town dungeon
We brought back the loot they said was so grand
It was eighty pounds of silver, a magic bow and quiver
And a ring of elemental command
And this thing that looks like Vecna’s left hand
We’ve got it made!

Nothing to loot and nothing to slay
We’ll have to come back another day
When it fills back up with prey
We’ll come and collect our pay

We’re not going to that dungeon
That little small town dungeon
Cause that little dungeon don’t hold a lot
We’re not going to that dungeon cause a bigger one is more fun
And by this time my level’s gone up a lot
And when we stagger out, I’m left with one thought
We got away!

All For Me Swag

By

On January 1, 2006

In Songs

All For Me Swag
by Robert Wynne and Bill Sutton
Music: “All For Me Grog” (trad)
© 2006

Chorus:
It’s all for me swag, me jolly, jolly swag
All for me hoard and me treasure
Well, I spent all my g.p. on a brand new sword +3
So its down into the caverns I must wander

Where are me boots? Me seven leaguer boots?
All for me hoard and me treasure
Well, they gave me a long stride and they split me underside
So its down into the caverns I must wander

Chorus

Where is me helm? Me magic, mystic helm?
All for me hoard and me treasure
It protected me from pain till the flayers ate my brain
So its down into the caverns I must wander

Chorus

Where is me mage? Me wimpy little mage?
All for me hoard and me treasure
To beat the troll she planned to use a spell called ‘Burning Hands’
So its down into the caverns I must wander

Chorus

Oh, where is me thief? My sneaky halfing thief?
All for me hoard and me treasure
Well he snuck off in the night with the loot from our last fight
So its down into the caverns I must wander

Chorus

Oh, where is me dwarf? Me sturdy fighting dwarf
All for me hoard and me treasure
Well, he took a fireball hit, and it blew him all to…….heck
So its down into the caverns I must wander

Chorus

I’m stabbed in the head, and I’d rather stay in bed
To finish healing from our last adventure
But I spent up all me dough, raising everyone I know
So its down into the caverns I must wander

Ordinary Tree

By

On January 1, 2006

In Songs

Ordinary Tree
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Ordinary Day” by Great Big Sea
Inspired by: “Sycamore Tree” by Seanan McGuire
© 2006

Saw your name on the tree, your initials surround mine
I wonder who carved them there for me to find, oh-oh.
It’s a lie, but it’s also a fact
I love you, but I can’t come back
‘Cause I must fly…

And I say….Way-hey-hey, I’ve just got to fly away
And you’re not going to call me home
And the end of the day, I know I must fly on my own

I did all that I could to keep you from dying
And you’ll never know why I can’t keep from crying
But you fit in this small town world
And I can’t be a small town girl
No, I must fly…

Way-hey-hey, I’ve just got to fly away
And you’re not going to call me home
And the end of the day, I know I must fly on my own

We each paid our dues and we each played our parts
But there’s no second chances, there’s no second starts, oh no
And you’re not coming back through my door
But I know now who this song is for
And I must fly…

Way-hey-hey, I’ve just got to fly away
And you’re not going to call me home
And the end of the day, I know I must fly on my own

Saw your name on the tree, your initials surround mine….

Your Call Is Very Important To Us…

By

On January 1, 2006

In Songs

Your Call Is Very Important To Us…
by Robert Wynne and Larissa March
Music: “Nessie Come Up” by Dr. J. Robinson
© 2006

The customer sits by his keyboard
He needs to reach tech support
His coffee goes cold
while he’s waiting on hold
Three hours at the last report
The muzak plays soft in the background
As a voice he no longer believes
Says “Each call will be
Answered momentarily
In the order that it was received”

Thank you for holding on still,
For waiting for us so long,
For being polite and holding all night,
Your hope and your faith are so strong!
We thought that you might, we bet we were right,
We see that we weren’t wrong!
Thank you for waiting so, waiting so, waiting so,
Thank you for waiting so long!

He daydreams of a working computer
As the music his thoughts intertwine
He starts to lose hope
He’ll be able to cope
When a cheerful voice comes on the line
He tells her his problem in detail
And all of his details and specs
“Oh, sorry, sir you
Got into the wrong queue
I’ll transfer you, hold just a sec…”

Thank you for holding on still,
For waiting for us so long,
For being polite and holding all night,
Your hope and your faith are so strong!
We thought that you might, we bet we were right,
We see that we weren’t wrong!
Thank you for waiting so, waiting so, waiting so,
Thank you for waiting so long!

The morning sun shines through the window
As he slumps in his chair, fast asleep
The phone in his lap
He succumbed to a nap
And slowly the hours have creeped
A puzzled technician asks three times
“Hello, is there anyone there?”
Then she shrugs and moves on
As he wakes with a yawn
To hear that same tape loop declare…

Thank you for holding on still,
For waiting for us so long,
For being polite and holding all night,
Your hope and your faith are so strong!
We thought that you might, we bet we were right,
We see that we weren’t wrong!
Thank you for waiting so, waiting so, waiting so,
Thank you for waiting so long!

Where’s The Filkcircle

By

On January 1, 2006

In Songs

Where’s The Filkcircle
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Where’s the Orchestra” by Billy Joel
© 2006

Where’s the filkcircle?
Wasn’t this supposed to be an SF con?
Here I am, wandering the halls
How the hell could I have missed rousing guitars?

I liked the masquerade
Even though I had absolutely no idea at all
What was being said in all the panel talks
There’s the big name fan
The leading pro who never left the audience

Where’s the filkcircle?
After all, this is my big weekend from home
My trip to faerie, or the stars to roam
I assumed that a con would have a song
So I was wrong
So I’ll just sit right here
And play my guitar softly in the atrium
Then slowly one or two
Stop to hear a song
Then sit and sing along

And after the con is done
And after the last dog falls
The last note calls
From an open chord
At the filkcircle

Love May Yet Survive This Fall

By

On January 1, 2006

In Songs

Love May Yet Survive This Fall
Lyrics by Robert Wynne
Music by Katy Dröge
© 2006

The breeze is blowing through the grass
The stars are shining bright
Your voice echoes inside my head
From when we talked last night

You told me that you missed me
I wished that you were here
And this moment all I want is
to hold you warm and near

Have you ever seen the rainbow arch
Above the waterfall?
Did you think that it meant something good –
or anything at all?
Have you ever wished upon a star
or called dreams from the sea?
If so, you’ll know why all I want
is to have you here with me.

I’ve camped on sandy beaches and I.ve
walked along the strand
I’ve climbed green mountain paths to find
The highest place to stand

But I never found a single place that
Ever felt so right
As when you took me in your arms
And held me in the night

Have you ever seen the rainbow arch
Above the waterfall?
Did you think that it meant something good –
or anything at all?
Have you ever wished upon a star
or called dreams from the sea?
If so, you’ll know why all I want
is to have you here with me.

(Bridge)
I’ve learned a lot to get this far
And I know this much is true
Whatever path I walk next
Will be one I walk with you
Cause time can bring surprises
No one ever could have seen
And love may yet survive this fall
As winter yields to spring

There’s still a thousand miles that cannot
simply be erased
But we have hope and love and truth
And dreams we haven’t chased

And so until this distance is
A memory of the past
I give to you my heart to hold
And trust that love will last

Have you ever seen the rainbow arch
Above the waterfall?
Did you think that it meant something good –
or anything at all?
Have you ever wished upon a star
or called dreams from the sea?
If so, you’ll know why all I want
is to have you here with me.

This is one of those songs that  took a long time to be finished. I started writing it in 2001, and intended it to be a birthday present for kitanzi. But it wouldn’t quite come together, and so it got put aside. About a year later, I revisited the lyrics and finished them, but could never quite find a tune to fit them that made me happy. So I started looking around for someone to compose the music, and it finally ended up in the hands of katyhh, who did a wonderful job of it.

The song was debuted during katyhh and shannachie‘s concert at Gafilk — it was the first time I’d heard the tune, and the first that kitanzi was aware the song even existed. Definitely one of the highlights of the con for me. 🙂

Lawyers, Guns, and Honey

By

On January 1, 2006

In Songs

Lawyers, Guns, and Honey
by Robert Wynne and Jeffrey Williams
Music: “Lawyers, Guns, and Money” by Warren Zevon
© 2006

Well, I went to talk to Piglet
Kanga, Owl, and Roo
I wish somebody’d told me
That Tigger’d be there, too

We went walkin’ to the mill pond
Saw Eeyore’d fallen in
Send lawyers, guns, and honey
Yeah, Tigger’s bounced again

Oh, I’m a bear of little brain
I’m full of cheer and pluck
Just halfway into Rabbit’s hole
And I found I was stuck
Yes, I found I was stuck
Well, I found I was stuck

Now I’m hanging from balloon strings
I’m a desperate bear
Send lawyers, guns, and honey
The bees have seen me there

Send lawyers guns and honey
Send lawyers guns and honey
Send lawyers guns and honey
Send lawyers guns and honey

Coming soon to a theatre near you

By

On December 16, 2005

In Blog


Coming this fall to London’s West End
Samuel Beckett
teams up with
Bjorn Ulvaeus and Benny Andersen
to bring you the hot new musical
Waiting for Bobby Fischer

The play takes place during a world chess tournament where Fischer, as usual, fails to show up. Starring Barry McGovern and Elaine Paige. Reserve your tickets today!

Narnia/1776 crossover

By

On December 9, 2005

In Blog

Mr Tumnus: [as Aslan is about to swat a fly] Mr. Secretary, Narnia abstains, courteously.

[Aslan raises a huge paw at Tumnus, then draws back]

Aslan: Mr. Tumnus, [pause, then roars] WHAT IN THE NAME OF TASH GOES ON IN NARNIA?

Mr. Tumnus: I’m sorry, my lord, but the simple fact is that our legislature has never sent us explicit instructions on anything!

Aslan: NEVER? [slams paw onto his desk] That’s impossible!

Mr Tumnus: My lord, have you ever been to Caer Paravel?

[Aslan shakes his head “No”]

Mr. Tumnus: There are four thrones there, to seat the two sons of Adam and two daughters of Eve who are to rule all of Narnia. But the four thrones have been empty for a very long time. With the result that nothing ever gets done. [turns to the Congress as he returns to his seat] I beg the Congress’s pardon.

Aslan: [grimly] My sympathies, Mr. Tumnus.

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