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Max Level Newbie

Max Level Newbie
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “I Am The Very Model of A Modern Major General” by Gilbert and Sullivan

I am the very model of a Warcraft Newbie 70
I’ve never been on raids, but I insist that I would like to be
I know the kings of Azeroth, but what they drop’s a mystery
From Netherstorm to Shadowmoon, no one has ever heard of me
I’m very uninformed about the way to play my character
And if your toon is female, I will prob’ly grin and hit on her
On every pull at the worst time, I will hit tab and free the sheep
And halfway through the boss fight, i’ll be in a corner fast asleep

I AFK in battlegrounds, thats how I got my purple gear
The stats don’t match my build, but I still like the way that I appear
In short, you see I have no clue and everyone I know agrees
I am the very model of a Warcraft Newbie 70

I’ve been to Ironforge, and yet I do not know the tram exists
I pester folks on general to take me out to Tanaris
Although I’ve never played your class, if we team up it won’t be long
Before I tell you all the things I think that you are doing wrong
Invite me to your group and i’ll insist that you should summon me
Then when you do I’ll ask for food and other things that I might need
Before the pull has been discussed I rush right in to start the fray
But when the fight gets out of hand I am the first to run away

I ninja loot by rolling need on every drop that’s green or blue
And if you haven’t kicked me yet, I’ll do it on the epics too
And so, you see why everyone in Shattrath City laughs at me
I am the very model of a Warcraft Newbie 70

My warriors try tanking with no shield and a two handed sword
My priests will heal you only right up to the point that they get bored
My rouges pickpocket every mob and cause the pull to go awry
My shamans never use their totems even when you ask them why
My warlocks never look to see what’s nearby when they cast a fear
My druids always go to dungeons wearing the same set of gear
My paladins cast random seals and never bring a judgment down
My hunters pets chase random mobs and during fights just run around

I run from PVP but I will gank you when your back is turned
Although I post in forums, I don’t read them so Ive never learned
That while I claim that I’m the greatest player you will ever see
I am the very model of a Warcraft Newbie 70

Several months ago, I finally gave in to the lure of the worlds most popular online RPG and started playing World of Warcraft. (You can find me on The Venture Co server as Pryderi.) For months, I worked my way up to level 70, meeting lots of cool people along the way, and finally, about three weeks ago, I finally reached that exalted summit. One of the interesting things about WoW is that, unlike a lot of games where you hit the level cap and wonder “OK, now what?”, there is a whole complex set of challenges designed especially for the top level characters. So rather than being the end of the journey, max level is a new beginning.

Of course, it’s possible for people to get all the way to max level without ever really learning to play your character effectively, which becomes painfully obvious to the people you end up in groups with during endgame content. I try very hard not to be one of those players, but I got the idea to write a song about the types of players everyone dreads teaming up with. This may not make sense if you don’t play the game, but hopefully the meta-joke at least works outside of context.

I apologize in advance for inflicting yet another parody of this tune on the world, but it fit too perfectly.

OVFF

Our plane tickets for OVFF have been purchased. Here’s our itinerary, in case anyone’s interested:

                                 Bkng                          Meals/ Seat/
Day Date       Flight     Status Class       City        Time  Other  Cabin
--- ----- --------------- ------ ----- ---------------- ------ ------ -------
Thu 25OCT DELTA 958         OK     T   LV ATLANTA       244P           24D
                                       AR COLUMBUS OH   415P          COACH

Mon 29OCT DELTA 6441*       OK     T   LV COLUMBUS OH   1149A          8C
                                       AR ATLANTA       128P          COACH

Looking forward to seeing everyone who will be there? Who’s coming? 🙂

Ring of Sedation

Ring of Sedation
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “I Wanna Be Sedated” by the Ramones

Twenty-twenty-twenty-four hours to fall
Into a ring of fire
I’m going down, can’t do nothing at all
As the flames go higher

And it’s burning, burning, burning
Love is a firey ring
I have a wild desire
it makes a burning ring
I fell for you like a child
Now I can’t do anything
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!

Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Into a ring of fire
Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Into a ring of fire
Over on rec.music.filk, David Okamura writes about a website he found with “tinklepop” karoke tracks of popular songs.

> You got off easy, Karen.  I foolishly sampled most of those tunes, so
> tinklepop "Ring of Fire" alternated with "I Want to be Sedated" in the
> back of my mind for the rest of the day.

And this came out…
My mind is a curious place. 🙂

Weekend Review

Despite being a bit loopy from painkillers due to my recent fall, I managed to have a pretty fun weekend.

Saturday morning, kitanzi went out to do the weekly grocery shopping, and brought home a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. This was pretty much how I picked up my copy of Half Blood Prince, too: avoid the midnight madness and grab a copy in passing at a non-book store. Unfortunately, I didn’t get as much reading on it as I’d have liked, because the first time I tried to sit down with it I was having trouble concentrating. I’m currently about a third of the way through it, and actively avoiding spoiler discussions until I finish, hopefully tonight or tomorrow.

Early Saturday morning, our new washing machine and dryer arrived! I have to give major props to Best Buy, who made the entire transaction, from purchase to delivery to installation, about as painless as one could want. The new machine sure extremely spiffy, and have lots of features and functions that we’re not yet exactly sure what they’re really for, but I’m sure we’ll have fun figuring them out. The first test for the washer was the pair of jeans that I got muddied up when I fell down the hill. They came out as good as new. We’re officially impressed.

Saturday night, we went to joyeuse13 and abovenyquist‘s housefilk near Brookhaven. We hadn’t seen them in far too long, so it was doubly nice that it was at their house. We also had some special guests from far away, with janeg and shaddyr both visiting from various parts of Canada, and our own bedlamhouse making a rare local appearance before shaking the Georgia clay from his boots en route to the Midwest. And of course, many of the usual suspects were there, including sffilk, filkferengi, mrpsyclops and his daughter, J., and spambrian. I was limited by not having my filkbooks with me (they’re in a box somewhere), and I’m afraid I wasn’t in very good form, but I did have a good time. I remember playing Richard Shindell’s “The Next Best Western” and, during a run of Canadian folk/filk, Sam Baardman’s “Down To The River”, which I at least had memorized and thus didn’t need to fumble for words to play. Oh, and I did my own “Sauron” during a small run of Tolkien filk, which was fun. We ended up leaving slightly early, around 11pm, because kitanzi was driving and wanted to get home before she was too tired to drive safely.

Sunday, we went over to the old apartment to get most of the last odds and ends out of the place. kitanzi packed stuff in the car while I set about the place with a can of Spackle, patching the holes in the drywall from where we’d mounted shelves. We’ll be going back over this afternoon after work so I can sand them down, and we can haul the last of the trash down to the tip. The house cleaners will come in on Wednesday to give it the last polish, and then we’ll turn the keys in and that will close the book on my time at The Wellington.

We spent most of the rest of the weekend at home. Watched the last of the season 3 Doctor Who Confidentials, chatted to folks on the Internet, and I played a fair amount of World of Warcraft, which was about as much attention span as I had for any one task, anyway. I just hit level 58 with my hunter, and made me first proper trip into the Outlands.

How was your weekend?

June Aphelion Issue online

Actually, the new Aphelion was posted back on June 2, but since I was in the full blossom of my recent illness at the time, I just got it up and went back to bed. But there it is.

Of possible interest to my friends list in particular:

  • Part Three of “On The Corner of Galaxy and Fifth”, the novel Jeff Williams (hejira2006) and I wrote together back in 1998.
  • My review of Mary Crowell’s new CD, Courting My Muse, plus lyrics to “Magnus Retail” in the Poetry & Filk Music section.
  • Becky Kletnieks’s hysterically funny “With Great Boyfriends Comes Great Responsibilities”, which appeared last month in her LiveJournal and she allowed me to reprint. 🙂

    Plus, of course, lots of original short fiction and poetry by a bunch of other people, and an engaging forum of amatuer writers where you can talk about those stories.

    Aphelion Webzine, as always, is found at http://www.aphelion-webzine.com/.

    Enjoy!

International Pixel-Stained Technopeasants Day (Belated)

Well, I had intended to upload this yesterday, but I went home from work early with a migraine, went to sleep, and only emerged long enough to eat dinner before going back to bed. So, a day late, but not a dollar short, here’s my contribution to International Pixel-Stained Technopeasants Day.

This is a zip file containing recordings of my Interfilk concert at OVFF 2002. I hope you enjoy it.

Contents:

1 – Nobody's Ranger (Rob Wynne/Eric Bogle)
2 – Fund Me Now (Rob Wynne/Alannah Currie & Joe Leeway)
3 – Plains of Nebraska (Rob Wynne)
4 – Sauron (Rob Wynne/Ellie Greenwich & Jeff Barry)
5 – Ozymandias (Dave Weingart) (Featuring Dave Rood on trumpet)
6 – Two of Dave (Rob Wynne/John Lennon & Paul McCartney)
7 – Final Mission (Barb Bowen/Trad)
8 – Keep You Closer (Rob Wynne)
9 – Consumed by Wonder (Rob Wynne)

SONG: The Dumb Ones Don’t Live Long

So earlier today in her journal, cadhla made a statement to the effect of how she even doesn’t pretend to be a dumb blonde, as it doesn’t fit her self-image, and besides which, she said, “The dumb ones die fast.”

And, that got me to thinking. This usually indicates danger.

The Dumb Ones Don’t Live Long
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “Only The Good Die Young” by Billy Joel

Well, hey there, Blondie, don’t make me search
You think you can run faster than I can lurch
Or that you’ll be safe if you hide in a church
I hate to tell you that you’re wrong

Well, they showed you a house and they said stay away
But you couldn’t wait past the end of the day
Now your brains are the center dish on my buffet
You will not outlive this song
You know the dumb ones, they don’t live long

You might have heard I died and was buried and gone
But I’ve come back and I’m here until dawn
When you see my hand coming up through the lawn
It might be best if you ran along

So come on, now Blondie, leave me a trail
Your attempts to escape are predestined to fail
Sooner or later, I’m bound to prevail
And your flesh will make me strong
You know the dumb ones, they don’t live long

You had a nice white dress that you shed for no apparent reason
Then you came down the stairs
Mmmmm, In your underwear
Oh, but Blondie you’re a morsel who has just come into season
Your night will just get worse
Once I stop to eat your boyfriend first
Whoa-oh-oh

You might think that the dead would just stay in the ground
But I’ve never been one for just lying around
And you can’t hide long before you are found
You shouldn’t go where you don’t belong
You know the dumb ones, they don’t live long

Oh, your mama said fast living only leaves you in a poor condition
This isn’t what she meant
But now you’re cornered and your luck is spent
Whoa-oh-oh

Come out come out come out, Blondie don’t make me search
You think you run much faster than I can lurch
Or that you are safe if you hide in a church
I hate to tell you that you’re wrong
You know the dumb ones, they don’t live long

Music You Can’t Live Without

For the benefit of the 40% or so of my friends list who don’t know about this

My dear friend cadhla, who is indeed one of the coolest things in the word either on or off of toast, is wrapping up the recording of her first studio album, Stars Fall Home.

I have already heard several rough mixes from this album. The word “breathtaking” If you like literate, musically challenging, story-oriented music with passion and depth, you want a copy of this album. (If you’re thinking “But, I don’t really like filk music, don’t worry. Seanan’s music is quite accessible to anyone. If you’re not sure, e-mail me privately, and I’ll provide you with a sample or two.)

Lucky for you, you can still pre-order it for a limited time.

Order early. Order often. Operators are standing by.

Heading home

Kitanzi and I are sitting at the gate at SFO, waiting to board. Con was good, more later.

Flashback: D’zenove (Part the Third)

Saturday

Despite being one of the last people to go to bed on Friday, I woke up on Saturday morning in time to avail myself of the free breakfast. I sat with filkerdave, and after finishing my food, later sat and chatted with katyhh and tarkrai. At some point, I realized the time and caught the last half of Lady Mondegreen’s “Choose Your Own Adventure Workshop”, where they had put a bunch of topics into a hat and drew a new one out every time they exhausted the previous topic.

Once that was done, I wandered out into the lounge area and chatted with various people, so I missed the next couple of concerts. I was in and out of the Main Concert, but I did fortunately catch the Crooklets singing “Alien Salad Abduction” and also demoneyes brilliant parody of callylevy‘s “Just Beyond”. I had stepped out to fetch some folks for filkerdave‘s spot when I got waylaid by the charming photographer who was at the con to cover the vent for an Irish youth magazine, and I spent a good deal of the next hour chatting with her and letting her take my picture.

The main concert was followed by a reunion of the original lineup of Three Weird Sisters. Since all three of them happened to be at the con, they decided to put on an hour set, and, while I admit to being greatly biased, they were fantastic. if you had told a total stranger that these three hadn’t performed together in over a year, I’m not sure you could have convinced them. The set was tight, high energy, and a hell of a lot of fun, and it was really nice to see the old dynamic still exists when they get on stage.

After the 3WS concert was supposed to be dinner, but that was when the first of the major hotel snafus struck. It seems that somehow the hotel had interpreted “Dinner from 5-7pm” as “Dinner at 7pm”, so there was a scramble to get dinner out. Worse, at this time we discovered that the hotel had, despite a contractual prohibition against booking other noisy events into the facility, booked a disco and a skittle alley for Saturday night; in fact, they rather comically wanted to set the skittle alley up in the main Programming room. This led to a great number of the concom having to jump into crisis mode, but fortunately, everything was eventually sorted out, with the skittles being put out of doors, dinner moved to a function room on the far end of the hotel, and coordination between the disco DJ and the con’s sound tech crew to try and ensure there’d be little interference from the dance.

The fears of the noisy disco also required a slight rearrangement of the evening programming, moving UK GOH Mike Richards up an hour, as he would tend to be quieter than the other two performers. What with the delay of dinner and lending support to the committee, I didn’t get to catch all of it, but I really enjoyed what I heard.

After Mike was the band Chimes, who aptly demonstrated how you can make sure everyone at the con gets a concert slot despite limited time. I lost track of the number of personnel changes the band went through, as various people filled in for the band members who were sidelined by illness. All of it was amazing, but my favourite song had to be “Thief in Little Pieces”, wherein little_cinnamon learned to not to let Phil rewrite his lyrics without checking on them beforehand. This rule belongs in the same category as “Don’t look at Judi Miller while you’re on stage.”

The evening wrapped up with the absolutely fabulous Lady Mondegreen, who delivered everything I’d come to expect from them over the years since they debuted. I’m a sucker for harmony and pretty girls, and LMG is rather obviously strong in both suits, and I’m biased to begin with for various personal reasons, but to say they blew the room away is rank understatement. I especially loved the ultra funky filk of “Lady Marmelade”, with fleetfootmike and demoneyes providing guitar and drum backing. The only regret I have is having the camera battery die shortly after sweetmusic_27 joined the band to turn the trio into a quartet. But not being able to take pictures meant I got to kick back and enjoy the music.

Once the concerts were officially over, I went to hang out with cadhla and sweetmusic_27, and we played the exciting parlour game called “Quick! Find something Seanan can eat!” This is no mean feat after 10pm on a Saturday night in Basingstoke, but the game was finally won by securing an expensive but indifferent cheese-and-veg pizza from room service. Once fortified, we wandered into Open Filk, where I recall singing a couple of adamselzer‘s songs, and I don’t remember what else. We stayed up until way too late singing, and then Amy and I stayed up talking until later still, and I finally got to sleep somewhere around 5am.

End Part the Third…

(Coming soon: Part the fourth, in which there is oversleeping, closing ceremonies, and we get in trouble for singing in a pub. Don’t miss the thrilling conclusion, next time on Flashback!)

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