This was too cute not to share. My dear friend (WINOLJ) Dina’s son Connor was just overheard in the other room, singing:
You can’t be mean to your sister,
even if you’re a pirate,
you can’t hurt her ears or hit her with sticks
and you can’t annoy her just to annoy her,
because my mommy said so,
she said be nice to your sister,
and even pirates have to be nice to sisters
I think that’s a good song for today.
Just a brief note that I finally found a title for the song I posted yesterday. 🙂
Aural Vixation
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “The Girl Who’s Never Been” by Michelle Dockrey
This last weekend I had gone to an SF music con
And I sat down at the concert Friday night
Songs of battle filled the room, torch songs followed none too soon
And the classic songs were all a big delight
Having heard all of the rest, the last set would decide the best —
On the stage there stepped a girl with hair of red.
And she sang to us this song; although it wasn’t very long
Since that moment it’s been trapped and it won’t get out of my head!
Save me! Save me!
It’s trapped in my head, you see!
Oh no, I think it’s starting up again!
Save me! Save me!
It won’t leave my memory!
I swear, this is the song that never ends!
Many other songs were played, I’m not quite sure why this one stayed;
Four days later and it’s still on endless play.
Other earworms can’t prevail, even “It’s A Small World” failed,
But it’s stuck in here and it won’t go away
So I went to see the girl who let it loose upon the world
She said “My lord, aren’t you guys sick of it by now?”
I suppose it could be worse, at least this is a pleasant curse
But I would send it out of my head if you’d only tell me how!
Save me! Save me!
It’s trapped in my head, you see
Oh no, I think it’s starting up again
Save me! Save me!
It won’t leave my memory
I swear, this is the song that never ends
Just another west coast filker singing her songs late at night
Sitting with her pers’nal guitarist and notebook held too tight
Just a singer in the circle with a smile bright as the sun
But I don’t know how she does the things she’s done
“Oh, take pity on me please! I’ll even get down on my knees!”
I begged her to relieve my aching brain
She said “Well, now since it’s you, I guess I’ll see what I can do”
And with a wink began to sing again
Well, I sat and listened well as she began to tell the tale
Of the man who makes a family of his crew
And it wasn’t very long until she finished up the song
And now where there’d been just one song, there suddenly were two!
Take love! Take land!
Take the place where I can stand!
But you can’t take the sky away from me!
Take out! To black!
Tell them that I won’t be back
I swear, you cannot take the sky from me!
And she faded, leaving just this parody
Inspired by a conversation with folkmew over in kitanzi‘s journal
Naked Ambition
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “Close To You” by Burt Bacharach and Hal David
Why do I, every time I dream,
Picture you….and whipped cream?
It’s just like me to want to see
Clothes off you….
I forget what I meant to say
When you wear lingerie;
That is why I long to spy
Clothes off you…
On the day that you were born
You came out wearing nothing
That’s the reason that it’s called a birthday suit…
Please understand, from where I stand
That birthday suit you’re wearing is a beaut!
I admit…I’m not a subtle guy.
It’s not hard to see why
I approve each time you remove
Clothes from you
This isn’t a new new song, as it was actually written back in April and premiered at the Gafia housefilk that month. bedlamhouse and I wrote the entire thing over IM during a dull afternoon. It wasn’t posted at the time because we’d offered it to Lee Gold for Xenofilkia, and wanted to give it a chance to appear there first. Since it was in the June 2006 issue of Xeno, I now present here for you as well. 🙂
All For Me Swag
by Bill Sutton and Rob Wynne
Music: “All For Me Grog” (trad)
Where are me boots? Me seven leaguer boots?
All for me hoard and me treasure
Well, they gave me a long stride and they split me underside
So its down into the caverns I must wander
Where is me helm? Me magic, mystic helm?
All for me hoard and me treasure
It protected me from pain till the flayers ate my brain
So its down into the caverns I must wander
Where is me mage? Me wimpy little mage?
All for me hoard and me treasure
To beat the troll she planned to use a spell called ‘Burning Hands’
So its down into the caverns I must wander
Oh, where is me thief? My sneaky halfing thief?
All for me hoard and me treasure
Well he snuck off in the night with the loot from our last fight
So its down into the caverns I must wander
Oh, where is me dwarf? Me sturdy fighting dwarf
All for me hoard and me treasure
Well, he took a fireball hit, and it blew him all to…….heck
So its down into the caverns I must wander
I’m stabbed in the head, and I’d rather stay in bed
To finish healing from our last adventure
But I spent up all me dough, raising everyone I know
So its down into the caverns I must wander
This was inspired in stages. First, there was Tuesday night’s Munchkin game, where the statement “You ran away” attached itself to the obvious tune. Then, there was Wednesday’s Home on the Strange, which got me to thinking about AD&D, and the fact that most of the songs are of epic adventures, and very few are about the first steps into the dungeon, and….well, this just sort of wrote itself from there.
Small-Town Dungeon
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “Dollar Fifty Movies” by Ookla The Mok (by way of Puzzlebox)
What can you do when you’re all broke and you’re out of work
How can you score some easy gold
The stairs led down, I lit a torch and I went in
Into the darkness and the cold
I’m going to the dungeon
That little small-town dungeon
A small-town dungeon won’t hold a lot
I’m going to the dungeon
That little small-town dungeon
A +1 dagger’s all that I’ve got
But a +1 dagger, that ain’t a lot
To fight your prey
I can cast a single spell
Then my use is shot to hell
I searched my tomes and learned them well
I packed my candle, book and bell
I’m going to the dungeon
The little small-town dungeon
A small town dungeon won’t hold a lot
Finding lots of treasure is always such a pleasure
When a +1 dagger’s all that you’ve got
And you tried to sneak through but you got caught
You hope the guards are kobolds
‘Cause you aren’t feeling too bold
And a troll is more than you want to face
You wouldn’t mind a goblin if he’s hurt and kinda hobblin’
And the cleric knocks him out with a mace
Just bops him on the head with a mace
There’s power when you find a new wand that shoots fire
And the chest of gold that’ll bring you the comfot you desire
When the monsters are defeated and won’t give any grief
To a wizard, a cleric, two fighters and a thief
Home from the dungeon
The little small town dungeon
We brought back the loot they said was so grand
It was eighty pounds of silver, a magic bow and quiver
And a ring of elemental command
And this thing that looks like Vecna’s left hand
We’ve got it made!
Nothing to loot and nothing to slay
We’ll have to come back another day
When it fills back up with prey
We’ll come and collect our pay
We’re not going to that dungeon
That little small town dungeon
Cause that little dungeon don’t hold a lot
We’re not going to that dungeon cause a bigger one is more fun
And by this time my level’s gone up a lot
And when we stagger out, I’m left with one thought
We got away!
Conversation between myself and kitanzi this morning:
autographedcat: (lying across the bed, stretching my back): I want a medieval torture rack for my birthday.
kitanzi: Um….sure.
autographedcat: I want it to help stretch out my back.
kitanzi: But where would we put it?
autographedcat: Yeah, that’s always the problem with exercise equipment.
Today in Creative Loafing, there was a sidebar article about a new DVD series designed to help parents get their toddlers well indoctrinated to follow the right university sports:
“I’m pregnant.” “I’m getting a tattoo.” “His name is Snake, and we’re in love.”
Those are all words most parents dread. But if you went to the University of Georgia, there is one phrase above all others you don’don’t want to hear from your teenager: “I’m enrolling at Florida.”
Up until now, there was only so much parents could do to instill in their children a love of all things UGA. You could take them to games,make them listen to Larry Munson, teach them the Bulldog fight song.But in the end, you just had to trust that you had raised them right.
Now Bulldog parents have a secret weapon. A company called Team Baby Entertainment has released a DVD called Baby Bulldog, which “allows parents, grandparents, alumni and friends to share their love, loyalty and passion for their university with their children.”
The DVD is targeted toward babies and toddlers and uses Sesame Street tactics to “teach” kids just how great it is to be a Bulldog.The video features young children dressed up in UGA costumes, and footage of the university’s sports teams, mascot and marching band “to expose children to the university in an exciting and playful manner.”Translation: If you’re desperate for your kid to follow in your footsteps and you’re not above brainwashing, this DVD is for you.
Didn’t attend UGA? Don’t worry, Team Baby Entertainment makes DVDs for parents from a variety of large universities, including LSU,Auburn, Florida State and — sorry, UGA fans — Florida.
A product which nicely fills a much-needed gap.
Elsewhere on LJ today, cjdoyle shared some of his Viagra-themed spam in a friends-locked entry, prompting this insta-filk. I hope you enjoy it…i spent minutes writing it:
The Love Pill
TTTO: (Theme From) The Love Boat
Love, Exciting and new
Pop the pill. She’s waiting for you
Love, life’s sweetest reward
Get it up, it stays up for you
Viiiiiiiiiiiiiiiagra
Soon you’ll be ploughing another field
Viiiiiiiiiiiiiiiagra
Four hours of fun just one dose will yield
Set a course for erection
Your mind on a new romance
Love won’t hurt anyone
See her open legs on a friendly bed
Yes LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!
It’s LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!
…
I’ll get me coat…
Today is the day we do horrible things to cadhla‘s masterpiece. As if what braider did to it wasn’t enough, kitanzi got my head wrapped around this possibility, and I couldn’t resist:
Ordinary Tree
TTTO: “Ordinary Day” by Great Big Sea
Inspired by “Sycamore Tree” by Seanan McGuire
Saw your name on the tree, your initials surround mine
I wonder who carved them there for me to find, oh-oh.
It’s a lie, but it’s also a fact
I love you, but I can’t come back
‘Cause I must fly…
And I say….Way-hey-hey, I’ve just got to fly away
And you’re not going to call me home
And the end of the day, I know I must fly on my own
I did all that I could to keep you from dying
And you’ll never know why I can’t keep from crying
But you fit in this small town world
And I can’t be a small town girl
No, I must fly…
Way-hey-hey, I’ve just got to fly away
And you’re not going to call me home
And the end of the day, I know I must fly on my own
We each paid our dues and we each played our parts
But there’s no second chances, there’s no second starts, oh no
And you’re not coming back through my door
But I know now who this song is for
And I must fly…
Way-hey-hey, I’ve just got to fly away
And you’re not going to call me home
And the end of the day, I know I must fly on my own
Saw your name on the tree, your initials surround mine….
So kitanzi has gotten her brain eaten by the lure of Sudoku, and we were looking over the latest puzzle she’s bent her mind to and this came out of nowhere:
Here’s a seven, there’s a seven
And another little seven
Crooked seven, funky seven
Seven Seven
Eight.
(ttto: “The Llama Song”)
Edit: Corrected spelling, thanks. :).
Inspired by a conversation on Filkhaven:
Uplift and Separate
(with most insincere apologies to Andy Eigel)
Cups – surround the breast – in their soft – cotton folds
Wire – underneath – provides support – perfect hold
Shoulder straps will adjust for comfort fit
clasp in back gives your boyfriend a fit
I should probably….stop right there.
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