I awoke this morning to a series of IMs from my oldest friend, Jeff, who took advantage of the fact that I forgot to log out of AIM to complain about the fact that after much pestering, he finally started reading my journal on a regular basis, only to find that I haven’t been updating it on a regular basis. Well, it’s a fair cop, and I should write more often, so let’s start with the most recent weekend…
Tag: poly
The drive home from the airport in rush hour is made a much more pleasant journey when one can spend parts of it talking to not one, but two, lovely, beautiful and intelligent women. 🙂
No matter how much other people don’t believe it, you are perfectly capable of being a selfish, whining, and insecure twit.
Sometimes people have more important things going on in their lives and can’t just instantly attend to you when you want. This doesn’t mean you aren’t important.
Your insecurities are largely in your own mind, and rarely borne out in reality.
When you know you’re being insecure and impatient, listen to yourself and stop fretting over it.
Repeat as necessary.
I lie on my back
and look up at the sky
a pale blue expanse with
scattered white clouds
like drifting banks of snow
or perhaps crumpled linen
waiting for the wash
and I wonder
how the sky is where you are
and if you are lying on your back
and thinking of me
Gosh, it’s been a long time since I posted anything moderately useful. I really should get back into the swing of things here.
The truth is, life has settled down into a nice, comfortable pace, and that doesn’t tend to leave much grist for the mill. This is not a BAD thing. kitanzi and I both put a lot of value into our creature comforts, and excitement is largely overrated. But there have been some newsworthy things lately.
You are my friend, and I love you.
It’s a simple thing to say. But sometimes I think the people I say it to don’t comprehend the depth of what I mean when I say it. It means that I’m always there for you, in as much capacity as I can be. It means that you are never imposing, it means that you are never taking up time I could better spend elsewhere. It means that when you are down, I want to pick you up. It means that I’m there to hold you when you feel like you’re slipping away. It means you never have to spend the night alone.
It means that I care about you, and all your ups and downs, that I will walk beside you during your trials, and be the first in line to give you a huge hug when you triumph.
It means that there’s no need to say “I’m sorry.” It means that no matter how disconnected you might feel, there is ever one person in this world who cares what’s going through your head.
I don’t always have solutions, or suggestions, or even the right words. I’m not always wise, and I’m not always thoughtful. But, when you need me, I will always be there.
Because you are my friend. And I love you.
I hate roller coasters.
I don’t mean in the physical amusement park ride sense, really. I don’t /love/ roller coasters the way some people do. i can take them or leave them, but they can be fun with the right people to ride along with.
I hate emotional roller coasters.
A lot of my avoidance issues come from the fact that I tend to shy away from conflict. I’d rather keep an even keel and work through things, steadily, than get involved in tempests. I’d rather talk things out than argue. And I’d much, much rather take up ground at a steady pace than have to rush around and do things in a frenzy. I like calm. I like peace. I like comfort.
I don’t like roller coasters.
Ferris wheels, on the other hand, are lovely. Yes, there’s ups and downs, but they’re steady and gentle, and if you put in a good word with the guy at the switch, he might even let you stop at the top for a while.
I want my life to be like a ferris wheel. I’d gladly slip the guy at the switch a twenty to arrange a temporary “malfunction” while I’m up at the top, with her snuggled close to me and the world laid out before us, full of possibility and light.
Instead, I’m on this roller coaster. And it keeps picking up speed.