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Tag: songs: mashups and parodies

Walrus Matilda

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On May 1, 2020

In Songs

Walrus Matilda
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “Waltzing Matilda” by Banjo Paterson

I am he as you are he, you are me and we are we
See how they run like pigs from a gun
See how they fly and take a look at how I cry
Then go a-walrus matilda with me

Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come
Corporation t-shirt, stupid bloody day
Man you’ve been a naughty boy, you have let your face grow long
So come a-walrus matilda with me

I am the egg man, I am the egg man
I am the Walrus, goo-goo-ca-choo
And we are in the garden, waiting for the sun to come
Who’ll come a-walrus matilda with me?

Mister City policemen, sitting in a pretty row
See how they fly like Lucy in the sky
See how they fly and take a look at how I cry
Then come a-walrus matilda with me

Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog’s eye
Pornographic priestess, crabalocker wife
Boy you’ve been a naughty girl, you have let your knickers down
So come a-walrus Matilda with me

I am the egg man, I am the egg man
I am the Walrus, goo-goo-ca-choo
And we are in the garden, tanning in the English rain
Who’ll come a-walrus matilda with me?

I’m an expert texpert, I’m a choking smoker too
Don’t you know the joker is laughing at you
See how the pigs smile, take a look at how I cry
Then come a-walrus matilda with me

Semolina Pilchard, climbing up the Eiffel Tower
Elementary penguin, hare krishna song
Man you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allen Poe
So come a-walrus matilda with me

I am the egg man, I am the egg man
I am the Walrus, goo-goo-ca-choo
Everybody’s got one, stick it up your jumper, love
Who’ll come a-walrus matilda with me?

I am the egg man, I am the egg man
I am the Walrus, goo-goo-ca-choo
You can still hear Paul’s ghost, as he says to the carpenter
Who’ll come a-walrus matilda with me?

A bit of silly mashup inspired by a conversation on #filkhaven this morning.

The Last Drummer Boy Christmas

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On December 25, 2017

In Songs

THE LAST DRUMMER BOY CHRISTMAS
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: The Little Drummer Boy (Katherine Kennicott Davis) / Peace On Earth (Ian Fraser, Larry Grossman, and Alan Kohan)

Just last Christmas pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
I gave my heart to you pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
But the very next day pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
You gave my heart away pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
rum-pa-pa-pum, rum-pa-pa-pum

This year I will not make pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
The very same mistake pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
To save me from my tears pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
I’ll be more wise this year pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
rum-pa-pa-pum, rum-pa-pa-pum

Once bitten and twice shy pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
I stay away from you pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
but still you catch my eye pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
Do you still recognize? pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
rum-pa-pa-pum, rum-pa-pa-pum

Well now it’s been a year pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
I’m not surprised, I fear pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
I wrapped my heart for you pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
I meant my “I love you” pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
rum-pa-pa-pum, rum-pa-pa-pum

And now I know for sure pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
That I was quite a fool pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
but if you kissed me now pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
My heart would still unspool pa-rum-pa-pa-pum
rum-pa-pa-pum, rum-pa-pa-pum

[Peace On Earth Interweave]
A lover’s face, a fiery heart
(Just last Christmas pa-rum-pa-pa-pum)
I hid but you tore me apart
(I gave my heart to you pa-rum-pa-pa-pum)
But now I’ve found a real love
(But the very next day pa-rum-pa-pa-pum)
I’ve found love, and you will not fool
(You gave my heart away pa-rum-pa-pa-pum)
Will not fool. not fool me again
(rum-pa-pa-pum, rum-pa-pa-pum)
A real love
(This year I won’t give pa-rum-pa-pa-pum)
can it be?
(you my heart)

Everyone must be made aware
Not to place hearts into your care
I care enough for my fellow man
To give all the warning I can

Now my new love will be true
(This year I will not make pa-rum-pa-pa-pum)
She won’t hurt me just like you
(The very same mistake pa-rum-pa-pa-pum)
I gave my heart to someone
(To save me from my tears pa-rum-pa-pa-pum)
Someone who I know will not hurt
(I’ll be more wise this year pa-rum-pa-pa-pum)
will not hurt, not hurt me again
(rum-pa-pa-pum rum-pa-pa-pum)
A real love
(Me and my heart)
Can it be?
Can it be?

I first heard about The Little Drummer Boy challenge a few years ago. The idea was that you had to see how long you could go in December without hearing “The Little Drummer Boy”, and if you made it to Christmas Day without hearing it, you won.

In 2017, some enterprising folks decided to up the ante, by creating “Whamageddon”, which is the same game, except in this one you have to make it to Christmas Day without having heard Wham’s 1984 hit “Last Christmas”.

I didn’t make it on “The Little Drummer Boy”, thanks to a friend linking me to a skit featuring it, but I made it to Christmas Day without hearing “Last Christmas”, so….yay?

Anyway, I’ve certainly spent more time this year THINKING about “Last Christmas” than I might otherwise, and, well, my brain is a strange place.

A Better Plan

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On March 22, 2014

In Songs

A Better Plan
by Rob Wynne
Music:  “Let It Go” by Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez (from Disney’s “Frozen”)

The weather outside is frightful tonight
But this fire is very nice
And there’s no place I need to be
out in the frozen ice
The wind is blowing and
The snow piles up in drifts
So let’s just stay here, wrap our Christmas gifts

We can’t go out, let’s just stay in
There’s no need to brave the howling din
Stay warm, no storm can harm us here
The answer’s clear

Let it snow, let it snow
It shows no sign of stopping
Let it snow, let it snow
I brought some corn for popping
There’s nowhere
That we need to be
Turn the lights down low
Curl up on the sofa here next to me

Every so often, an idea for a parody shows up that won’t go away, but there really isn’t enough there to justify parodying the entire song.  These are called “show stoppers” because they typically only run up to the point that you hit the punchline of the joke, and then end.

Larissa and I finally got around to seeing Disney’s “Frozen” (which is excellent, and you should watch it), and this came into my mind and wouldn’t go away, so i finally sat down and wrote it.  It’s finished; there’s only the one verse and chorus. 

Foggy Duet

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On December 23, 2013

In Songs

Foggy Duet
by Rob Wynne
(TTTO: “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” by Frank Loesser)

I really can’t stay
(But baby, there’s fog outside)
I’ve got to go away
(But baby, there’s fog outside)
This evening has been
(We should lock ourselves in)
So very nice
(I wish you would take my advice)
My mother will start to worry
(The visibility’s blurry)
And father will be pacing the floor
(Listen to the night creatures roar)
So I really should scurry
(They really seem to be in a fury)
But maybe half a drink more
(You grab a gun and I’ll bar the door)

The neighbours might think
(Baby, it’s mad out there)
Say, what’s in this drink?
(No hope to be had out there)
I wish I knew how
(Eyes shine in the darkness now)
To break this spell
(Sure, I wish I knew that as well)
I ought to say no, no, no, sir
(Fetch that gun from my holster)
At least I’m going to say that I tried
(In the morning, you’re sure to have died)
I really can’t stay
(No, baby, don’t go out)
Ah, but there’s fog outside (Baby, there’s fog outside)

I simply must go
(But baby, there’s fog outside)
The answer is no
(But baby, there’s fog outside)
This welcome has been
(It’s lucky that you dropped in)
So very warm
(Look out the window at that swarm)
My sister will be suspicious
(Those creatures probably think you’re delicious)
My brother will be at the door
(Eldritch creatures dripping with gore)
My maiden aunt’s mind is vicious
(I’m reasonably sure they’re malicious)
Well, maybe just a cigarette more
(That will kill you slower, I’m sure)

I’ve got to get home
(But you’ll catch your death out there)
Say, lend me your comb
(You’ll draw your last breath out there)
You’ve really been grand
(Need to take a stand)
But don’t you see?
(It’s best if you stay here with me)
There’s bound to be talk tomorrow
(There might not even be a tomorrow)
At least there will be plenty implied
(If everyone else hasn’t died)
I really can’t stay
(But I’ve got serious doubts)
Ah, but there’s fog outside (Baby, there’s fog outside)

Because, surely, Night Vale Community Radio plays seasonal music for the holidays.

Country Response

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On October 10, 2007

In Blog, Songs

Country Response
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “You Never Even Called Me By My Name” by Steve Goodman and John Prine

Well, it was all I could do to keep from dying
Somehow it seems I’m able to remain
You know I’ve always loved you for your body
Right now I only want you for your brain

You don’t have to call me George Romeo
You don’t have to call me James Gunn
You don’t have to call me Simon Pegg anymore
Even so, I think you’d better run

And I’ll chase you down as long as you run from me
I’ve never minded shamblin’ through the rain
You know I’ve always loved you for your body
Right now I only want you for your brain

Well, I polished off the dog for lunch this morning
So now you will not let me in your bed
I really hoped you wouldn’t notice I had changed
Before I started gnawing on your head.

And I’ll chase you down as long as you run from me
I’ve never minded shamblin’ through the rain
You know I’ve always loved you for your body
Right now I only want you for your brain

(Spoken: My friend Seanan McGuire wrote a song. She said it was the perfect Country & Western song. I said it was NOT the perfect Country and Western Song. It doesn’t mention mama. It doesn’t mention prison. There’s not a single train in it. And she said, “Dude, zombies.” Which is, I admit, a fair point.)

Well ever since I went and got myself infected
Ain’t nothing round this town that’s been the same
And I know I’ve never been the perfect husband
But is it fair to give me all the blame?

And I’ll chase you down as long as you run from me
I’ve never minded shamblin’ through the rain
You know I’ve always loved you for your body
Right now I only want you for your brain

This popped into my head in the shower this morning.

Ring of Sedation

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On September 5, 2007

In Blog, Songs

Ring of Sedation
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “I Wanna Be Sedated” by the Ramones

Twenty-twenty-twenty-four hours to fall
Into a ring of fire
I’m going down, can’t do nothing at all
As the flames go higher

And it’s burning, burning, burning
Love is a firey ring
I have a wild desire
it makes a burning ring
I fell for you like a child
Now I can’t do anything
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!

Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Into a ring of fire
Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Into a ring of fire
Over on rec.music.filk, David Okamura writes about a website he found with “tinklepop” karoke tracks of popular songs.

> You got off easy, Karen.  I foolishly sampled most of those tunes, so
> tinklepop "Ring of Fire" alternated with "I Want to be Sedated" in the
> back of my mind for the rest of the day.

And this came out…
My mind is a curious place. 🙂

Ordinary Tree

By

On January 1, 2006

In Songs

Ordinary Tree
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Ordinary Day” by Great Big Sea
Inspired by: “Sycamore Tree” by Seanan McGuire
© 2006

Saw your name on the tree, your initials surround mine
I wonder who carved them there for me to find, oh-oh.
It’s a lie, but it’s also a fact
I love you, but I can’t come back
‘Cause I must fly…

And I say….Way-hey-hey, I’ve just got to fly away
And you’re not going to call me home
And the end of the day, I know I must fly on my own

I did all that I could to keep you from dying
And you’ll never know why I can’t keep from crying
But you fit in this small town world
And I can’t be a small town girl
No, I must fly…

Way-hey-hey, I’ve just got to fly away
And you’re not going to call me home
And the end of the day, I know I must fly on my own

We each paid our dues and we each played our parts
But there’s no second chances, there’s no second starts, oh no
And you’re not coming back through my door
But I know now who this song is for
And I must fly…

Way-hey-hey, I’ve just got to fly away
And you’re not going to call me home
And the end of the day, I know I must fly on my own

Saw your name on the tree, your initials surround mine….

Rockin’ Argo

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On January 1, 2002

In Songs

Rockin’ Argo
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Rockin’ Robin” (Bobby Day (by way of Tom Smith))
© 2002

When we pulled into Argo for some R and R
We set out to investigate each joint and bar
We thought we’d enjoy their hospitality
But found it wasnt geared for spacers such as we

Banned from Argo
Banned from Argo
Oh, Banned from Argo, they don’t want us at that port anymore…

(Bridge) Our brave captain’s dating methods were complex
Each partner was of a different world and sex
When the shore police came, we took our chance
Beamed him back aboard but we lost his pants

Our chief engineer was a champion sot
He outdrank the whole bar and that’s a lot
Our navigator finished up in second place
And parked his shuttle in the strangest place

Banned from Argo
Banned from Argo
Oh, Banned from Argo, they don’t want us at that port anymore…

(Bridge)
Our first officer was drugged by something green
And taught the bridge computer how to be obscene
The nurse went shopping in the potion mart
And came home naked with a cheerful heart

The doctor caused a riot and he went to jail
But we got him back aboard without a cent of bail
Our helmsmen went ashore with some odd plant life
And got tangled up with the gov’ners wife

Banned from Argo
Banned from Argo
Oh, Banned from Argo, they don’t want us at that port anymore…

(Bridge)
Oh a group of pirates came to do the town
but nobody noticed that they were around
When they came into the bar where we were that night
They took one look and ran away in fright

Our crew works hard and we’re Starfleets best
But we tend to leave a trail when we stop to rest
We’re sorry for the damage we did, you can bet
But now at least we’re sure that they won’t forget!

Banned from Argo
Banned from Argo
Oh, Banned from Argo, they don’t want us at that port anymore…

Normal filkers just write parodies to the tune of “Banned From Argo” Not me. I have to rewrite Argo to some other tune. This one was inspired by a challenge in rec.music.filk. Honestly, I think I did it better the first time

Play It…AGAIN?

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On January 1, 2000

In Songs

Play It…AGAIN?
by Robert Wynne and Jeffrey Williams
Music: “Circle Sky” by Michael Nesmith
© 2000

My old hits
Bored to bits
Requesting
Same old thing

Oh, do I have to play that once again?
Dear God, do I have to play that once again?

Played this song
For so long
Rather do
Something new

But now I have to play this once again!
Yes, now I have to play this once again!

It’s a very tedious thing
But no one out there understands
But I sing what I must just to please
All my fans….all my fans

Trapped by my
Success I
Grin and play
Every day

And now I’ve gotten through it once again
Thank goodness I have gotten to the end.
This song was written on the way back from seeing Mickey Dolenz in concert, and I was asking myself “What on earth must it be like to have to play the same songs, over and over again, for thirty years?” In a way, I can guess. There are times I look at all my collected songs and think “I hate everything in this book and I don’t want to play any of it.”

Rainy Day Argo #12 & #35

By

On January 1, 1999

In Songs

Rainy Day Argo #12 & #35
by Robert Wynne
Music: “Rainy Day Woman #12 & #35” by Bob Dylan
© 1999

Oh, they’ll ban you when you beam down to that port
They’ll ban you when you are the spacer sort
They’ll ban you when you try to cruise the bars
They’ll ban you ‘fore you ever get that far
But I would not feel so in demand
EVERYBODY must get banned!

Oh they’ll ban you if your captain tries to mate
With too many partners in a pantless state
They’ll ban you if your engineer is able
To drink everyone else under the table
But I would not feel so in demand
EVERYBODY must get banned!

Oh they’ll ban you if your First Officer there
Teaches your bridge computer how to swear
They’ll ban you if your head nurse search is gainful
and comes home naked with a walk that’s painful
But I would not feel so in demand
EVERYBODY must get banned!

Oh they’ll ban you if your Chief Communicator
Crafts a virtual clothing elimanator
Theyll ban you if your gentle country healer
Incites a riot by the town’s local flesh dealers
But I would not feel so in demand
EVERYBODY must get banned!

Oh they’ll ban you if the man who drives your helm
Uses plants the gov’ner’s wife to overwhelm
They’ll ban you if the pirates at the bar
Run away when they find out that’s where you are
But I would not feel so in demand
EVERYBODY must get banned!

Oh they’ll ban you if your crew is Starfleet’s best
They’ll treat you like you’re some unwelcome guest
We didn’t mean to cause all of this fuss
But it seem’s thats always how it goes with us
We’re so sorry that it all got out of hand
But EVERYBODY must get banned!

Another filk by free-association. Someone on rec.music.filk made a comment to the effect that EVERYONE should send a newbie a copy of Banned from Argo, and for some reason it triggered the phrase “Everbody Must Get Banned”. I tossed out the first verse as an Insta-filk response to the original poster, then decided I should finish it before someone else did.

This song was published in Xenofilkia #83 (“The Bastard Grandchildren of Argo” issue)

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