Tag: songs: writing

Novel Man
by Robert Wynne and Jeffrey Williams
Music: “Nowhere Man” by John Lennon and Paul McCartney
© 2001

He’s a real novel man
living off his long-time fans
writing long complex stories
that don’t end

Plots that are long and absurd
Two hundred ninety thousand words
Can it be he’s never heard of
Brevity

Novel man, please hasten
Up that scene, time’s wastin’
Novel man
The advance has long since been spent

Got multiple points of view
Subplots and pointless verse too
Does he think we’ve nothing else
to read

Long winded as he can be
Series come in groups of three
I wonder if we’ll ever see
the end of it

Novel man, please end it
It’s much harder to defend it
Novel man, It once was so promising
Now it’s a joke

He’s a real novel man
Doesn’t have a master plan
And his series rolls on to
Infinity

He may write this series for infinity!
This song isn’t about one particular writer, but could easily be applied to any number of authors currently mining the low grade ore out of the science fiction and fantasy mine. There’s some really good deposits down deep and off the main shaft, but some folks manage to get rich selling the same stuff off the top over and over again.

Oh well, they keep printing them. I guess SOMEBODY’S gotta read them.

This song was published in the Gafilk 2006 songbook.

Writer’s Lament
by Robert Wynne
Music: “We’ve Only Just Begun” by the Carpenters
© 1998

I haven’t yet begun to write
Deadlines, they come and go
Still I sit with an empty page
I haven’t yet begun

I haven’t yet begun to write
Editors phoning me
They paid advances six months ago
And still i’ve not begun

Writing down stuff that is ridiculous
Ball it up and throw it all away
If I could only get a page or two
Then I’d be well and on my way
Beginning…
Beginning…

Another day gone by and I
Got not one damn thing done
I’ll get up tomorrow and start again
And I’ve yet to begin

There’s a wonderful scene in the musical 1776, between John Adams and Thomas Jefferson. The latter is supposed to be writing the Declaration of Independance, and the former has come around to check on his work. When Jefferson fails to produce the document, Adams sputters “Do you mean to say you haven’t finished?”. Jefferson replies calmly, “No, sir. I mean to say I have not yet begun.”

Boy do I know that feeling!