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Banhammer

By

On October 25, 2017

In Songs

Banhammer
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “Sledgehammer” by Peter Gabriel

You could make a cat GIF
putting down somebody’s race
You could post the president smiling
Hitler mustache on his face

All you do is post it
We’ll remove it from the feed

You could be a big dick, yeah
Ranting up and down, all around the pool
You could be a bumbling jerk, bumbling
But that violates the rule!

I’m gonna swing…my banhammer
I will erase your fame
Oh, let me swing the banhammer
This will be my admin posting

If you want to spam us
Then we will send you on your way
Don’t you try to spam us
Cause you know that just doesn’t play

I’m gonna swing…my banhammer
I will erase your fame
Oh, let me swing the banhammer
This will be my admin posting
I’m your banhammer
Let there be no doubt about it

Ban…..ban….banhammer

I kicked the asshole (I kicked the asshole)
Banned his nick (Banned his nick)
This is the Tadpool (This is the Tadpool)
So don’t be a dick (So please don’t be a dick)
If your posts are nice (posts are nice)
We will like it twice (like it twice)
Post it nice, (post it nice) I will comment twice

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I sure like you
Only you
Gonna post the good stuff
Post, post all the good stuff yeah
I’ve been finding the funny
I’ve been finding the funny
Going read that good stuff, post for you
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you
I’ve been finding the funny
I’ve been finding the funny
It’s what we’re doing, doing
All day and night

I wrote this a while ago, but never got around to posting it in the songbook.  The Tadpool is a social group that I co-moderate the Facebook group for; the first rule of the Tadpool is “Don’t be a dick” (also known as “Wheaton’s Law” — see the PDX Broadsides’ brilliant song of that same name for more on this.)

The Tacos Of Shame

By

On December 19, 2013

In Songs

The Tacos of Shame
by Rob Wynne
TTTO: “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” (16th century English carol)

I wish I’d not had those tacos
I wish I’d not had those tacos
I wish I’d not had those tacos
I think I might die

Alone In my car
at the Office Bazaar
I ate six whole tacos
Now I think I might die

I wish I’d not had those tacos
I wish I’d not had those tacos
I wish I’d not had those tacos
I think I might die

My throat it now burns
My stomach it churns
I ate six whole tacos
Now I think I might die

I wish I’d not had those tacos
I wish I’d not had those tacos
I wish I’d not had those tacos
I think I might die

I’ve just me to blame
For my terrible shame
I ate six whole tacos
Now I think I might die

I wish I’d not had those tacos
I wish I’d not had those tacos
I wish I’d not had those tacos
I think I might die

I wish I’d not had those tacos
I think I might die

This is a bit of an inside joke for the Frogpants/Tadpool community.  I don’t think it requires a ton of context to understand what happened in this simple cautionary tale, though.  Merry Christmas, Mr. Johnson.

The Folsom Connection

By

On November 13, 2013

In Blog, Songs

Over in the Tadpool group on Facebook, there’s a thread on the topic of “What’s your favourite song to sing in the shower?”  One of the commenters wrote: “That’s a tough one I don’t know if I have a favorite… I will sing anything from Johnny Cash, Folsom Prisom1 Rainbow Connection.”

Being a filker, of course…and a filker fresh off a con where my creative brain is already in gear, the following just fell out of my head:

Why are there so many songs about prisons
And people who are inside?
I’m stuck in this one because once in Reno
I shot a man to watch him die
I guess, in hindsight, I kind of deserve it
It wasn’t a nice thing to do
But as that train rumbles past old Folsom Prison
I can’t help but cry, wouldn’t you?

I’m not sure there’s really a point in going further with it; the joke is complete at the end of the first verse.2 I really need to start a file just for little show-stoppers like this one.

  1. Quipped another:  “Folsom Prism is my Johnny Cash ‘Dark Side of the Moon’ cover album.  I’d pay serious money for that album.  Serious money. ↩

  2. As Bill Sutton taught me:  “Short is good.  Funny is good.  Short and funny is best. ↩

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